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Open Poetry #21
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Girls Don't Hunt
| Open Poetry #21 |
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Girls Don't Hunt |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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Girls Don’t Hunt He had allowed that I roof and nail thoughts with him so the question came naturally May I come? For he and his brother and his son were to go hunting deer May I come? Please? His rifle was so large and he was so large his hands were so large as they took mine, he bent down to say some wise thing, and did not. My brother did not say girls were not allowed, though I am sure he thought it he being two years younger and all Pine needles crunched softly as he and I magnified the act of tiptoe while Dad seemed more like an Indian than white man silent quiet hushed walk listening intent absorbed concentrating hand up freeze stop halt rifle brought up focus position center point Bambi’s mother stood below us in the ravine her nose reading the scene her eyes wide clear dear my mind spoke loudly crunching my heart in break it came to me that venison had movement in beauty my cameraed vision pulled closer to the blink of her eye my mind yelled go in silent throat my heart exploding at the rifle’s report and I wouldn’t watch and wouldn’t watch dad’s descent into the ravine, my brother’s clutch of the too much for it had overtaken him too and Bambi’s mother wasn’t venison was it? Dad’s curse was unrehearsed and remained unrepeated by our smiles for the bobcat that had spooked the deer bought the bullet meant for dinner and brother and I? We had not seen or heard stories of lonesome bobcats, so our hearts were not broken when we buried this ‘cat which did not resemble, too closely, our own Girls don’t hunt. Dad repeated that just once, knowing I had not made a sound it was only my heart that had screamed go. [This message has been edited by Sunshine (07-08-2002 11:07 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kayjay Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015Oregon |
Your images are as clear and lovely as the dahlias that glisten in my morning sun. Through rubble and trouble and dark of night |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Sunshine, A delightful write enjoyed every word.  |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Quite an impressive write. Very much like I was there...though I woulda yelled for real. lol And I love that ya buried the bobcat. Forgetting all I'm lacking |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Goodness....when the goosebumps go away, maybe I can really say something about this poem...one I could see so very well in my mind... Some girls hunt....if they have been raised to see beyond the beauty and the life that stands before them.... Not an easy thing for even some men to do... You wrote this perfectly....I can see why you said "go" in your mind and heart.. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice writing...James |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Girls don’t hunt. Dad repeated that just once, knowing I had not made a sound it was only my heart that had screamed go. =============================== Dang Karilea! I was almost in tears! No way could I hunt...can't do it..no way. Only with a camera. ~Hugs for the keeper~ |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
A very good story, Sunshine. I enjoyed this, very much. But. the girls here where I live to hunt. Not me, though. I am just an old city girl, who, my husband has tried soooo hard to convert to a country girl. LOL! |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
I could actually feel these words, Karilea.....every single one of them. You are so disciplined! If it had been me, I would have screamed out loud! You wrote this with unbelievable perfection!  ~ hugs from a non-hunterLyra |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
How it pleases me to know this story, and the pictures on the heart of innocence. Great write. ThisDiamond |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
 awwwwI tried it just once never will again....love this every 'heart' of it...  Lauren~ The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
What a vivid portrayal you have penned here, Sunshine.....storytelling at it's finest  Sure you don't wanna hunt 'deer?   |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Kayjay, your response lit up my day...thank you!... Sy, knowing you looked in for a read brings a smile...thank you!... Duncan...for some reason I don't think you use the word impressive much...and for that, I thank you, sir... Magnus, how kind of you to let me know of the goosebumps...I hope that any future writings may elicit even more...thank you!... Thank you, James... Enchantress, "almost" in tears? Then I didn't do it well enough, and will have to try again...thank you for the eyes, m'dear... SmartChick, I was very young when this happened, and of course I know that my father was only hunting in order to put food on the table...could I hunt, if needed? I think so...but you'd also probably see a huge vegetable garden....thank you for reading... Lyra...my father's upraised hand meant to be quiet, but there are SOME feelings that transcend sound barriers, don't y'know....thank you so much for taking a moment to read... TD, aren't real life experiences the best form of sharing? Thank you!... Lauren, thank you for the awwwww...... 'Deer, to you I shall leave the rhyme of storytelling in true balladeer fashion, and I shall do so in free verse...I think it's better that way, don't you? Perhaps a challenge to take on a subject matter; you in true Balladeer form, and me in free verse, and let the best man win [you] although I'm sure I might come in a close second, you suppose? Thanks for the read.... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Karilea Wonderful, real writing...every feeling from hush of feet to explosion and the feel of the girl. Impressive! |
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paladin
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930Pensacola,Fl. |
In the lion pride the lioness is the one who hunts. paladin |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
There might be something to that.....Girls don't hunt! This man always went hunting every year for a week and left his wife at home. Over the years the wife became quite tired of being left alone so she started to become annoyed when hunting season came along. Finally the man decided to take her along on his next hunting trip. Off to the sporting goods store they went and her bought her a rifle and a hunter's orange hunting outfit. They then proceeded to the annual hunting area that he haunted for many years. As they started into the hunt they came upon a Y in the woods road they were hunting. He said to her, "You go to the left and I'll take the right because these roads come together about a mile or two further on." She agreed and they separated and went on their respective ways. Shortly after they's separated he heard a gunshot from over on her road and he thought 'damn she's shot a deer, must be beginner's luck!' He thrashed through the forest to get to where she was and just as he got close to her heard a conversation..... Her voice, "It's Mine!" A man's voice, "It's Mine!" Her voice, "No way. I shot it and it's mine!" Man's voice, "Lady, be reasonable, you know it's mine!" "No it's not!" She insisted, "It's definitely mine and I'm going to keep it!" Man's voice sighs, "Well OK Lady, but I want my saddle back!!!" [This message has been edited by ethome (07-07-2002 01:26 PM).] |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) Oh Karilea, this is so very sad, sweet friend, I am a man yet I do not like hunting at all, for I am a nature lover and it sdaddens me to see so many shoot for sport! (sad sigh) I couldn't blame how you felt, sweet friend, my heart goes out to you, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karilea, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms sunshine a pleasure to read this one, have been there from both sides... now I hunt oranges on the tree out back lovely work babe...really enjoyed it |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
this is fantastic writing... Regards to you, Karilea, Sudhir |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Great story in this one. Did you ask to go the next time? Silly question. This was a grabber. Shenachie |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Women see Bambi and Bambi's mother while we, practical men, see food for our family. As it shall always be, I imagine Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Excellent write Karilea! My daddy taught me how to shoot, but just look into those eyes and well......sortah stops ya in your tracks... (although I still love the jerky we make...) Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal. |
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mycafe Senior Member
since 2002-05-23
Posts 584 |
Karilea, you've just taken me through an adventure!!! I simply loved this, vivid imageries! *mycafe* Keep counting your blessings |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Sunshine, you brought me there with you. Great write... I'm sorry bob the cat didn't hear your heart scream too. Parker |
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