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jamesjiao
Member

since 2000-04-12

Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon

0 posted 2002-05-30 03:08 AM

Love's symptons

My heart sank, a twig caught its tail
My legs shook, declining orders,
When you wondered what could I ail
I could think nothing but blunders.

And then my blood rushed to my face
obscuring my view and my way.
Lost sight of objects round the place
the world seemed midnight at noonday.

Though I failed myself to see things
some words from trachea did murmur.
They uttered like chords from my strings,
tuneless and full of disorder.

Is psychology winter's choice?
Or is your company snow's bless?
You might have dissected my low voice
at least bits and pieces more or less.

I ne'er favoured Freudian theory
as it raised too much attention.
You swayed my principles bleary
so now it's the best conception.

I often step on my shoe lace
thinking of you plus coming test
My heart has left its dwelling place
I still need it to patch my nest.

Ne'er was I struck before that hour
by the love that gently amuses.
Your presence, like the sweetest flower
stole my heart for your private uses.

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.

[This message has been edited by jamesjiao (05-30-2002 03:10 AM).]

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

1 posted 2002-05-30 06:14 AM

Wow! This is simply beautiful poetic writing! I know those feelings and you've portrayed them here in the most elegant and memorable manner.
Excellent language to describe those feelings of love that make the thoughts from the heart stumble.
Enjoyable!

jamesjiao
Member

since 2000-04-12

Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon

2 posted 2002-05-30 06:34 AM

Thanks ethome for you comment

I think i just have to clear a few things up about this poem.

The person I am writing this poem for and I both study psychology in uni (hence the line 'Is psychology winter's choice' and '.. Freudian theory' :0 ).

We have a test coming up in 2 days (hence the line '... plus coming test').

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.

jamesjiao
Member

since 2000-04-12

Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon

3 posted 2002-05-30 06:45 AM

I actually need some suggestions from you guys here. I have known her for only 1 month. I enjoy every moment with her. She also seems to be happy with me and is getting increasingly comfortable with me. However, with a sudden rush of blood, I decided to email this poem to her today. I am not sure what her reaction will be to this email. In the email, i also explicitly told her that I am chasing her

. I am just afraid of losing her.. even as a friend

.

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

4 posted 2002-05-30 08:03 AM

That's the beauty of this language.... I took those lines in another perspective and I think they work that way too.

Unless you're terribly afraid of rejection I think I'd be letting her know at least to some extent how you feel. You don't have to be open to the point of embarassing her but subtly, you could express your feelings. She's obviously well educated and you both have something in common so she's going to pick up on it! Can't see the poem hurting anything!!
C'mon you're studying phycology....or is that what scares you?!?

[This message has been edited by ethome (05-30-2002 08:05 AM).]

jamesjiao
Member

since 2000-04-12

Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon

5 posted 2002-05-30 08:11 AM

I guess it's because I haven't had much experience in 'chasing' girls. Actually I admit I have never chased a girl in my life. I liked some girls before, but they either had boyfriends or were killed in car accidents. Lucky me :-(

But I will take your advice into my heart

. Yes I study psychology, and this is scary since we can both see 'thru' each other

.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2002-05-30 08:21 AM

Very nice expression of your feelings...James

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

7 posted 2003-01-10 02:33 AM

James this one snuck in on me - I usually notice all your new poems, but I missed this. This is your best poem yet I think!!!

I love the second line, that's brilliant.. and the second to last stanza is fantastic. ^_^

Nice to read more of your work..

-Lynne
PS. what did she say about the e-mail? Was she ok about it??

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

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