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Tied to Hello
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Tied to Hello |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I bent to give you A peck of a kiss Simply saying hello And saw you pull away With a jerk As lips tightened into a line I didn’t cross For fear it would burn When you drew back again Giving a sharp tug on my heart Leaving me to nurse another hurt But I am running out of salve To rub over those sores Where we chafed one against the other Until I saw you no longer wanted To try a fit or touch and wondered If indeed you wanted to unlace me And give that swing of foot To send me somewhere else Discarded It was just a hello That felt like Goodbye [This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (04-10-2002 04:34 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
wow Ron..that one hurt... M |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
hmmmm, I say let it be goodbye then |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
As lips tightened into a line I didn't cross For fear it would burn =========================== this moth has learned the hard way, not all fires are warm... my eyes burned reading these words Capt... lets just say it was the smoke..and you know the rest. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Somewhere in the medicine kit I put bands of aide and I cannot find them while tears of salt bleed the wound even when your poems hurt they inspire... |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) This is so very sad, sweet friend, my heart goes out to yours and I hope now that loves reply to you sounds welcoming and not like this goodbye! (sigh) This is powerful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Fantastic...painful write Ron! This just aches.... And...I love it! |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
your writing always leaves me with that special feeling of admiration... regards, sudhir |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Sigh. Ow. Being compelled to critique I would like to suggest that you omit the last four lines..they're overstating.. on an emotional level, I can feel the hurt here...hugs  K |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I like the title... the verse... and I like the last four lines... Just MHO, K.. Nicely done, Cap'n Ron..  |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Nan you disagreed with me? I'm injured for life! Heh... hugs you K |
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SmittenKitten Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131where the sky and horizon meet |
Cpat~ How acutely and heart-wrenchingly you have described this scene for us...my heart did wrench at the end. Hugs, ~Krista  Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Honestly Ron, I was a bit confused by this...though, I'm sure it's my reading and not your writing. And maybe the fact that I wish someone else could just hear the word goodbye. And on the chance that it would be fun to mess with Severn, the last four lines were my favorites. ROFL...gimme a break, it's been a bad day. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
OH I can feel the hostility in the room! Calm down people, calm down - there is a new mantra K is right, K is right, K is right...let's all hear it... ~evil chuckling~ KP.S Ron, because it might be fun to mess with Duncan, your poem is perfectly understandable.. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Cpat- Well, I love it. Yes...even the last four lines..LOL. Very well done! Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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