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Open Poetry #20
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i once knew a willow tree
| Open Poetry #20 |
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i once knew a willow tree |
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Streen Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 169
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the moon sparkles like a star tonight, willow tree. as i sit here, watching it making its way down down your boughs thin little slivers of leaves alit i think i see white silky bowery moonlit again. it was long ago, i recall, when the leaves so silky caught my eyes -for first the time- i, a lad, watched the sun (sparkling like a moon) as it sought the serenity in your swaying arms i was better than light then, as i brushed past a sunny field to your side i think i even caressed your draping verdure with fingers like the stars maybe that's why your boughs parted, and i entered. o fond willow tree, i remember whispering my secrets into the loft of your airy branches- sometimes the breeze would rustle likewise in return, breathing through the leaves murmurs of yours. and when the world outside would rumble i would tremble to your surface. in that way, i think i grew a part-a root- with you. then one day i left. so foolish, i uprooted a part of me a part of you, dear willow tree. the sun outside was shining like never before, but you still shined like silver silk. but i left for a time, and when day by day i came back a part of you had cracked, and no longer could i dance in your leaves or whisper into your branches. ah, o willow tree, maybe now i know why you wept. for day by day, night by night, i have sat here, rivulet weepings of my own. the loss, the root of my soul, i may never regain, the loss for to a part of me, nothing has ever shined like you, my willow tree. and to have split such a wonder, i weep, day by day, i weep staring off as the moonlight reflects like the ocean off your boughs. i only want to press my rough face against your silky leaves. whisper what i can dance what you will i know it may not be. but, at least i can say to others, "i once knew a willow tree, and none there was more beautiful, than my friend like a moon that was she." -------------- This is a poem I wrote about a friend tonight. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Derek Benz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Streen I enjoyed the point of view..the personification and the way time changed things, in you, in she...wonderful poem! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
It's obvious a lot of thought went into this. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
profound, excellent! I love this one, kinda sad...very much thought put into this. "ah, o willow tree, maybe now i know why you wept." |
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Zinsser Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641Calif. |
beautiful.... ~~ Connie ~~ |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (big hugggssssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, this is such a beautiful declaration of love to your dearest friend, I know this person will always be blessed by this and will always be your friend forever! (sigh) This is wonderful, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Derek, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Streen Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 169 |
The sad thing is, we will probably never again talk. Her choice, not mine. Thank you all for your wonderful comments. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Streen~ For someone to have moved you to pen these beautiful thoughts is a cherished thing~ It is stunning ! Though you may not 'talk' again ... surely you will hear her whispers for a long time ... perhaps foreverly ... and that is a very good thing~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
interesting personification, story of you and the willow intermingle.. interesing breaks with shorter stanzas could be further employed to create contrast in your "narrative"...otherwise the storyline is fine |
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Streen Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 169 |
I don't have much experience in editting poetry. Could you please give me some examples how I could do that? Thank all of you very much for all of your sympathetic and reassuring comments. This board must literally be crowded with hordes of angels. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Streen, if you want to change somehting you've written after you post it, on the top of the poem is a line of icons...a little piece of paper with a finger pointing (which shows the profile), an envelope (which allows you to email someone), a letter with a pencil (which allows you to edit), a piece of paper with a magnifying glass (which allows you to find poems) and a little house (which takes you to that person's homepage). Just click on the icon with the pencil and you can edit your poem. Everyone has these icons, when they post a poem or a reply. The icons apply to each individual. As far as editing before you post, well I can't help you there. I never edit any of mine...the way it comes out of my mind and heart is the way I write it and thus, the way you read it. Sometimes, other words come later and I revise it, but I never change it in the making. [This message has been edited by passing shadows (04-30-2002 03:52 AM).] |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Hello Streen, I think it's fine as it is, I wouldn't change anything. (changings can only be made within 24 hours after you post your poem) Using the willowtree to express your feelings appealed to me very much, as I think it's one of the most beautiful trees on earth. Beautiful poem, thank you. Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Ladyhawke Member
since 2001-09-01
Posts 86 |
Lovely imagery mixed with profound emotion. Very nice. (Please excuse my use of "lovely" and "very".) |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Very well done! ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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