Along Those Lines - pipTalk Forums

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GavinKidd
Junior Member

since 2003-02-14

Posts 44
NH

0 posted 2003-02-15 11:02 PM

Along Those Lines

...along those lines in contemptuous
silence we watches the birds in trees
chirp their mating calls to passers-by.

Together we sat and exchanged
conversation through averting eyes,
shifty gesticulations, and anxious breaths.

...it was supposed to be fun, a picnic in
the park.  Our comfortably checkered past
blanketed over the rocky lives we've laid.

...we skipped the appetizers and went straight
for the main course.  We lost something along
those lines.  The time in between.

(the casual talks, whispered smiles)

Now we're stuck, cemented here beside one
another, our stomachs full, for we devoured
every morsel of our meal together:

sandwiched meats caked with condiments,
sides of passion fruit, and champagne
(bubbling to our heads).

...eating slower, savoring, maybe that would do.
And next time we'll learn,
and not be sick.

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

1 posted 2003-02-15 11:03 PM

I like this

Cold hands means a warm heart

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2003-02-15 11:10 PM

GavinKidd
Interesting symbolism, enjoyed.

Albert J. Allie
Senior Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 512
Queens NY

3 posted 2003-02-16 12:30 PM

I agree. The symbolism was fantabulous!!!
I enjoyed!!

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

4 posted 2003-02-16 12:43 PM

Our comfortably checkered past
blanketed over the rocky lives we've laid.

Great writing a very welcome addition to PIP. A lesson learned, to savour and relish not swill is what makes a moment distinguished and cherished

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2003-02-16 03:28 AM

I agree with Aenimal~

a good write indeed!

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

6 posted 2003-02-16 06:06 AM

I'm a fan of picnics and the metaphors in this were evocative to the extreme.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

GavinKidd
Junior Member

since 2003-02-14

Posts 44
NH

7 posted 2003-02-16 08:08 AM

Thank you all for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed.

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