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BlueEyes
Member

since 2002-08-30

Posts 152
TX, USA

0 posted 2003-04-04 04:50 PM

Hello everyone! I've been out for a while due to computer issues! I've missed you all!
Any suggestions on this piece would be appreciated!
Thanks!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Me - I jumped in with both feet

     Never fearing the depth or brevity

You – you barely cause a ripple

     Fear being the cause of your resistance

Now I see that you were the wiser of the two of us

     For the depth proved to be too much

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2003-04-04 08:06 PM

Welcome back. It's sad that the depth was too great for both of you. Don't be too discouraged.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

2 posted 2003-04-04 10:01 PM

Welcome back then.....and this an excellent parachute for your reentry.... despite an eerie feeling from those "You" lines, that somehow you've been closely observing -- me.

...back to edit....you said suggestions.... I'd have only one, which would be to work in a reference to a specific situation or relationship between yourself and the other person. Wouldn't have to be a description, just a rhetorical nudge to point the reader toward it...but it's darn good without.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

[This message has been edited by Ratleader (04-04-2003 10:10 PM).]

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

3 posted 2003-04-04 10:22 PM

Tera, welcome back. Computer troubles can
be something else, can't they?

Sorry that you got in too deep in your situation.
Things hurt even worse when you put everything
you have into something, and it still doesn't work
out the way you would like.

Hugs,
Ethel

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

4 posted 2003-04-05 03:56 PM

Tera - this is amazing - what insight! I loved this - truth in your writing my dear . . . xxoo

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

5 posted 2003-04-05 03:59 PM

*sigh* sometimes we have to jump in to see if the depth is too great for us. This poem is wonderful and filled with heartfelt feeling....I love the way you have presented it. **hugs**

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

6 posted 2003-04-05 05:51 PM

welcome back

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