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Eye Trapped
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Eye Trapped |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I sat on the bar stool nursing a cold one Thinking about steel traps and her eyes. Funny to me, How something so soft and enticing Could spring shut with such force Snapping anything you had extended With a gut wrenching crack. I guess that’s what you call bait. I’d driven over to see Lacey that afternoon And found her in the yard pulling weeds From a small plot of flowers she was growing Off of starts she got from one of the Wilder sisters Who lived just over the ridge on a farm Left to them when their father died. Lacey had taken some pictures of them And the farm for a local paper Then went over to give them copies And they had insisted she take starts From some old lilac bushes that They swore had been in the Wilder family For over 200 years. Lacey looked up from her tending And smiled when she saw me. One of those smiles that feels like sunshine On a cold March day and you know If you stood in it for just a second You’d feel its warmth soak into The marrow of you. We chatted a bit about the weather And the neighbors, then went inside To pour coffee into cracked mugs So we could sit on the porch Watching the shadows while we talked. It was her eyes.. That did it. Started me thinking about the others The ones that were so different from hers And yet at one time held the same softness When they looked into me. After while I left And ended up here on this stool Remembering the chill I’d felt When I had walked into my house And how the shiver of pain had slowly Crawled up my spine past the forgetting And letting go. Sometimes… I close my own and still see the steel Snapping shut on me And behind those eyes Iambe’s smile. "Bartender, another round" I heard myself say wondering if there was enough here to dull the pain. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
...and it continues...  |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"Sometimes… I close my own and still see the steel Snapping shut on me And behind those eyes Iambe’s smile." Lacey is something else..yanno that... It's her eyes...  But! Iambe sure got under your skin didn't she? More please?...please... Love these Captain..can't get enough. ~Morning hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Interesting title, as is this: "And yet at one time held the same softness when they looked ~into me~." Re: lambe's smile... I still have not gone back into archives to read up on her, but, you do give quite a description, every time she is mentioned. Not sure which is the most interesting character, he or she, but, I'd have to say the combination. You write so well. Enjoy completely. Ever looking forward to more...please. Had to come back to add this, for I reread it just for the fun of it. Your writing is so involved. Not only the characters, but, line by line descriptions of minute details, told so quickly and efficiently, they slide on by ...you putting us right there, experiencing, not reading...I wonder if those lilacs really are 200 hundred year old stock...amazing... Hugs, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (03-26-2003 10:09 AM).] |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
"One of those smiles that feels like sunshine On a cold March day and you know If you stood in it for just a second You’d feel its warmth soak into The marrow of you." Can't make a better complement than to just play this image back to you....I once spent an hour memorizing a smile like that one -- and on a March day, now that I think of it. This poem connected with me from line one, and right on down! ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I knew you had more to say....and I am glad you decided to do so.. "Started me thinking about the others The ones that were so different from hers And yet at one time held the same softness When they looked into me." This is the heart of the fear...the one that hurt used to be the one that loved...therefore, anyone that starts out with love may turn into hurt...after all, if it happened before when it felt so right... Thank you for doing this. Susan |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Great images of captivating eyes, the kind of description you never forget Very well written, my friend as always Liz |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
One of those smiles that feels like sunshine On a cold March day and you know If you stood in it for just a second You’d feel its warmth soak into The marrow of you. the shadows while we talked. =========================== It was her eyes.. That did it. Started me thinking about the others The ones that were so different from hers And yet at one time held the same softness When they looked into me. After while I left And ended up here on this stool Remembering the chill I’d felt When I had walked into my house And how the shiver of pain had slowly Crawled up my spine past the forgetting And letting go. Sometimes… I close my own and still see the steel Snapping shut on me And behind those eyes Iambe’s smile. "Bartender, another round" I heard myself say wondering if there was enough here to dull the pain. ============================= *shaking my head at you* the eye contact intensity of this is felt... so is the impact of the closing lines...as well as the verses highlighed above... once again you work the personification, metaphor and imagery to poetic perfection. As for dulling the pain? what would we write about then? Bunnies and butterflies? me thinks not  "and when we get to the pearly gates ... |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Wonderful..simply wonderful. You take your story and make it real - the little things like telling us where Lacey got her plant startings...perfect! I love it.  |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
My eyes were sitting next to yours throughout the entire read. Dang, but you are a great viewmaster. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Interesting...enjoyed...James |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ron---You have the ability to get inside your characters most private feelings and then let us see them with just a few words. Pretty neat trick for a writer..(which you are!)..and a good one! |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Lacey looked up from her tending And smiled when she saw me. One of those smiles that feels like sunshine On a cold March day and you know If you stood in it for just a second You’d feel its warmth soak into The marrow of you. This is an exceptional write. I was literally engrossed by your words. Truly, this is just splendid. Tugs at the heart with endearment for the writer. Very nicely done |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 BRAVO!!! Oh Ron, I see you're up to this wonderful series again of Lacey and his escapades, it saddens me to see where he is left and surely getting boozed up I imagine will only make the pain ever more sore! (sad sigh) This is a powerful tugging result, dearest friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'Sometimes… I close my own and still see the steel Snapping shut on me And behind those eyes Iambe’s smile. "Bartender, another round" I heard myself say wondering if there was enough here to dull the pain.' Uh huh. (bunnies and butterflies...good one, Jams) |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ron - ahhh . . . this is lovely: It was her eyes.. That did it. know this - yes i do - BUT no there isnt enough to EVER quell the pain - amazing story here . . . xxoo |
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