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LastMoments
Member

since 2003-03-07

Posts 92

0 posted 2003-03-11 08:15 PM

Eyes like shattered glass
Bleeding out their life
Spilling every ounce of care
To fall to the putrid ground

Wishing for safe ground
But my memory poisons the place beneathe me
The past carrying burdens
That lead me from security

I admire my reflection
Pain has never been displayed so well
Each breath taken in to feed life
Results another reason to drop my head to moonlight

In the corner my mind eating away
Gains reduce to nothing as they fade upon shadows
My thoughs on fire burn away, diminishing
Dieing out like falling stars

I feel my skin slowly tear to the silence
That fills the air with speechless doubts
Inside suicide has been committed
For inside I've already passed

Numb, from everything I know, going away.

Amara
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 158
East of the moon, west of the sun.

1 posted 2003-03-11 08:17 PM

This is great...but shouldn't it be in Dark Poetry?

Every heart has hidden treasures...a secret wish, a silent dream, and a cherished love. [Unknown]

icequeen
Senior Member

since 2001-12-09

Posts 633
FL USA

2 posted 2003-03-11 08:33 PM

Good heavens... this is like a long, silent scream - and you have so exquisitely conveyed the pain. Marvelous write, this.
Especially this:

I admire my reflection
Pain has never been displayed so well
Each breath taken in to feed life
Results another reason to drop my head to moonlight

The ending is quite good also. Intense!

the only man worth your tears will never make you cry

Connel

Senior Member

since 2002-11-04

Posts 736
Florida, USA

3 posted 2003-03-11 10:03 PM

Beautiful! But it should be put in dark poetry.

Read ^ there, because you are reading the wrong part!

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

4 posted 2003-03-12 12:02 PM

intense is right! the pain transmitted is sharp and piercing.

nice write.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

5 posted 2003-03-12 12:07 PM

yikes.. the beginning of this just grabbed me and stung. Very powerful, Very painful. Conveyed well.
And I hope that things get better!

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

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