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Song in train station
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Song in train station |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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Words essence preclude distance. Comfort waits below other waves. A much more delicate map to resurface. Icicles fall to tracks, roads and staves. Shivering, yes. He does not show it. Smoking a cigarette to its nub. Thoughts of dreams and holding patterns. He trained the wheel -- now he trains its hub. Cracked and frayed. A gentle listen. Seated station, chords made of smoke. Hollows filled warmly inside him. This is his song of which she spoke. [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (11-13-2002 01:31 PM).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
*Words essence preclude distance. Comfort waits below other waves. A much more delicate map to resurface.* ============================== Seated station, chords made of smoke. Hollows filled warmly inside him. This is his song of which she spoke. ============================== my oh my how I loved those first three!!! your poetry soothes something in me that I dont even have a mothy name for at the moment   No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Glad my words touch you, Janet. Mike |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Nice journeying Mikey. Ed |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
You've been pretty quiet lately Mike. I like every line here! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
The imagery here is fantastic... a delight to read  Maree |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks everyone. Uh huh, I've been quiet, all right. So busy! I'm glad you all enjoyed. Mikey |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Love it... another peek into the soul of a characterized figure... seems you like to use case studies in your poems, Mike. I have to say the last couplet is a bit redundant, saying "his" song of which "he" spoke. I think it'd simply sound better if you made it say "the song of which he spoke" instead. Just my humble opinion, of course. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I'm glad you enjoyed this, LP. Take another look at the last line. "This is his song/of which she spoke." |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
OH... sorry man... sometimes I read stuff aloud to myself, and "of which she spoke" sounds very similar to "of which he spoke." SO I was remembering it as "of which he spoke." Embarassing for me... heh... sorry. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Not a problem, Parasite. I'm just happy that you took time out of your day and used it to read and reply to some of my poems here. Thank you. |
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