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Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

0 posted 2002-01-23 06:13 PM

The sound of an open door closing on two hearts.
Hearts once filled with love, now empty closets.
Closets once full of bright hues of love’s clothing.
Clothing which now has been replaced by hurt.

Hurt hangs ominously from hangers of despair.
Loneliness painted fresh on blank walls around.
Silence lying as a carpet, covering the floors.
Anger smoldering bright in a fireplace of cinders.

Symbolic candles snuffed by the chilling breeze.
Frames once filled with smiles, now blank tears.
A worn welcome mat sadly welcoming no one
as rolled newspapers tell a story of heartache.

A sad tune plays softly from above the stairs.
The clink of dishes, perk of coffee silent below.
Mirrors reflecting only walls of broken hearts
as a faucet drips tears into a yawning drain.

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

1 posted 2002-01-23 06:16 PM

It is incredibly easy to visualize the scenes you are painting. You are a very gifted writer. I enjoy reading your work very much.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2002-01-23 06:20 PM

(big hugggsssssss) Oh Barry, this is soooooo heartwrenching, just the vision of watching tears fall from a faucet in a dirty sink makes me cry and hearing the dorr slam in the background in a lovers house! (sigh) So sad but wonderful, sweet friend, I just love how you express love in all sorts of different perspectives, both as the most beautiful thing and the greatest pain, may love forever be the greatest joy for you! We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is wonderful! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Barry, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

RosePetal

Member Elite

since 2001-08-26

Posts 2985
South Florida

3 posted 2002-01-23 06:20 PM

The lights black out
Darkening a once bright love
A dull hum of the dryer
Reflecting on two separated hearts

I like it Barry, I like the useage of the closet, rug, hangers...It made it sound better (hugs)

DayDreamer99
Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 72

4 posted 2002-01-23 06:40 PM

you r truly talented...you painted the picture so clear in my head it brought tears to my eyes yet at the same time opening them it was a very great poem
Tifferz

A Tone of Voice
Member

since 2001-07-18

Posts 287

5 posted 2002-01-23 06:43 PM

Magnus,

The scene
is magnified by the sadness, as if each object absorbs it ~ very good.

Atov

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

6 posted 2002-01-23 06:51 PM

Barry~

sad tunes do play, and hearts hang....tears falling are relief....enjoyed these sad, but beautiful words....

Lauren~

Tomorrow's another day
and I'm thirsty any way
so bring on the rain

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

7 posted 2002-01-23 07:14 PM

oh, this has me in tears...

Kathleen--(Kay)
A true friend does not love you for who you are, but in spite of who you are." -- Caroline Tran

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

8 posted 2002-01-23 08:06 PM

Hello Barry
Your imagery is nothing short of brilliant in everything I've read of yours and this was absolutely outstanding. Take care....Sue

Suetang

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

9 posted 2002-01-23 08:55 PM

Sandi, thank yu, I am honored to have such
praise of my poetry..

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

10 posted 2002-01-23 08:56 PM

Noah...your words are always appreciated..

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

11 posted 2002-01-23 08:57 PM

Joanna, thanx, I like your examples too..
I will keep them in mind..

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

12 posted 2002-01-23 08:58 PM

Atov...thank you...yes, I too thought that
it worked out well...

brianbeaudry
Member

since 2001-07-20

Posts 410
Northern Ontario Canada

13 posted 2002-01-23 09:26 PM

I tip my hat to you my friend...a magnificient piece...great imagery and strong emotion!!!

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

14 posted 2002-01-23 10:08 PM

Barry - I kept going by this one and finally had the chance to read it. I'm glad I did. You have a style, and you project it well...

BC

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

15 posted 2002-01-24 12:05 PM

Beautifully written, Barry...Your imagery here is unbelievable!

Hurt hangs ominously from hangers of despair.
Loneliness painted fresh on blank walls around.
Silence lying as a carpet, covering the floors.
Anger smoldering bright in a fireplace of cinders.

So very well done!

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

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