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Open Poetry #18
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strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859


0 posted 2002-01-19 12:52 PM


Hmmm Magnus and Startimes romance poems are getting to me.

Daydreams

As I walk along the sandy shores,
My thoughts are all of you.
Of the times we spent together,
And the things we used to do.

Then I hear a susurration,
As the waves slowly move on the shore.
And I wish that once again,
Things could be as they were before.

The soft murmuring sounds I hear,
They seem like sweet words so clear,
As if you are saying "I love you"
With your cheek pressed against my ear.

Then the cold water catches my legs,
And I feel the iciness of the waves.
I awake from my daydream and realize,
That I've just been walking in a daze.

If this daydream could come true,
It would be my fondest desire.
That forever you and I could be one,
And our love again be on fire.

Floria




[This message has been edited by strbbux (01-20-2002 10:03 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Floria Kelderhouse - All Rights Reserved
Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
1 posted 2002-01-19 12:56 PM


Floria - this flows just perfectly, and your words and rhyme are excellent. Daydreams, aren't they something?

BC

Mistletoe Angel
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since 2000-12-17
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Portland, Oregon
2 posted 2002-01-19 12:58 PM




(smiles) Oooooohhh....I know this feeling all so well, sweet friend, I dream of falling into my dream girls arms, and I always daydream of her like this! (kiss on cheek) This is sooooooo beautiful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Floria, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Magnus
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3 posted 2002-01-19 12:59 PM


Floria...you are just toooo modest...I think
this is a superb poem of romance and the
yearning feeling that goes with it...Very
beautifully written...

strbbux
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since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

4 posted 2002-01-19 01:01 PM


Thank you Bill, very much for your kind comments.trying to keep up with all you guys. floria
strbbux
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since 2001-12-19
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5 posted 2002-01-19 01:02 PM


Thank You Noah, hoping your dreams come true, floria
strbbux
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since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

6 posted 2002-01-19 01:03 PM


Thank you very much Magnus, your words inspire me to write more. floria
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
7 posted 2002-01-19 02:42 PM


Yes, very romantic! And to include the seashore is a great plus in my eyes as the sea is so romantic, vibrant, exhilarating!

A critique I might make would be the use of And..at the beginning of a line when it really isn't needed. It felt better to my mind's ear to omit it. What do you think?
That's the important part.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Nightshade
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since 2001-08-31
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just out of reach
8 posted 2002-01-19 02:46 PM


floria - Maybe daydreams do come true. So, never stop believing, or dreaming. Loved this one. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

9 posted 2002-01-19 02:47 PM


Well,VAS I think you are 100% right and the funny thing is that in my master copy I have already corrected it.Sometimes it takes two or three reads to catch it and sometimes I don't. I love when poets critique me like that, because sometimes I miss it. And that is the only way to learn. Please always feel free to comment. And thanks so much.hmmm, think i will go change it here now. as I did forget that I could do that LOL. thanks VAS.
floria

[This message has been edited by strbbux (01-19-2002 02:49 PM).]

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

10 posted 2002-01-19 02:50 PM


Thank you so much Nightshade, yes I do think they do come true sometimes. floria
Silver Streak
Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625
FL, USA
11 posted 2002-01-19 06:31 PM


Beautiful, floria!
-newell

Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com

Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher

strbbux
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since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

12 posted 2002-01-19 06:34 PM


Thank you Newell. floria
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

13 posted 2002-01-19 09:52 PM


Indeed they are and what lovely daydreams....I really like this one.

Kathleen--(Kay)
A true friend does not love you for who you are, but in spite of who you are." -- Caroline Tran

Startime
Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918
Canada
14 posted 2002-01-19 10:01 PM


*sigh* oh yes, this poem suits me perfectly....BRAVO!!! You have captured how I feel and put it into a magical poem. I love it. **big big hugs** And I too believe that dreams can come true...we just have to wait for our dream lover to find us.

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
15 posted 2002-01-19 10:05 PM


Pleasant daydreams are wonderful escapes, and this is so picturesque.This piece flows well and is well rhymed too


Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
16 posted 2002-01-19 11:09 PM


This beautiful, dreamy, romantic poem, flows like a calm ocean wave.
I enjoyed it very much.

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

17 posted 2002-01-20 09:32 AM


Thank you Irish Rose, floria
strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

18 posted 2002-01-20 09:33 AM


Startime, why did I know you would like this. Well it is my first ever romance poem.You guys have got a thing starting here. LOL floria
strbbux
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since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

19 posted 2002-01-20 09:34 AM


Thank you ecrivan, I appreciate your kind comments. floria
strbbux
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since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

20 posted 2002-01-20 09:37 AM


Madame Chipmunk,Thank you very much for your comments and the lovely seahorse, so colorful. floria
Victoria
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since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869

21 posted 2002-01-20 09:51 AM


Daydreams are as nice as nightdreams..enjoyed Floria..as long as we dont daydream while we are driving ha..

                 ~Victoria~

You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.

                                                -Ziggy

GenXer
Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583
USA
22 posted 2002-01-20 11:08 AM


Floria - That darn ocean, destroyer of daydreams.lol  I think I am being overly harsh towards the ocean. Seriously, great use of rhyme and imagery.  It is just a very good write overall.

Dave  

strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

23 posted 2002-01-20 01:39 PM


Thank you victoria, glad you have them too. floria
strbbux
Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859

24 posted 2002-01-20 01:40 PM


Dave, as a poet, you must know how nice it is to hear those words. I am bowing, thank you very much. floria
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