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Open Poetry #16
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Survival
| Open Poetry #16 |
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Survival |
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
Lightning crackled all around, followed by sound to shake the ground. Rain tore down in leaden sheets, flooding fields, swelling creeks. Sodden grass on earth laid roof, began to drip in nature’s proof. Wife looking in silent despair, at the sight of him, in stance so rare. Arms spread out, against wooden door frame, looking at his crop, tears falling without shame. The towering stalks, heavy with crop, beat to the ground in heavy drop. Arms laid round, with head on back, she held him close without love lack. No word were said, until he spoke, with strong voice shaking as it broke. Why did I bring you to this land, where I thought to make our stand? Shhhhh, my dear, it will be all right, for we have not yet, begun our fight. I know you wanted the best for us, and I came willingly without fuss. More times than not, you have won, so now we wait for the healing sun. He turned and held her to his chest, stroked her hair as he knew best. Finally a smile came on his face, for this time is was she to set the pace. Thank you, love, for your words to me, yes, let the sun come out and we will see. And the sun came out to dry the land, and enough was salvaged to survive once more |
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| © Copyright 2001 Logan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Very Nice, I enjoy the glimpse of lives, Past, present and future, snapshots, Catching the moment. You did this well, But, I believe the ending Could be rewrote with the same meaning To better fit the rest of the poem. Gloom |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
What a wonderful glimpse into this captivating moment in time. You've captured the characters, their mood and emotion beautifully. Very well done indeed Logan, much enjoyed!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Very vivid imagery, my friend. You have drawn me in with your tale of love and devotion. Great work. All writing comes |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Love for one another...love for their land. Oh how you do weave a tale so captivating that I find myself having to slow my pace to take it all in and enjoy thoroughly. It's like a good book you don't want to put down or have it end...I am in awe of your talents dear Logan. ~Warm hugs, Nancy~ To the top it goes!
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Wow!! I could 'see' this vignette as I read the words...very powerful story sir!  |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Logan--Sometimes survival IS just having someone hold you and tell you, wait for the sun. You have shown a tender scene here, my friend, where LOVE is the sun. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Written from your own personal book, I think? Excellent, my friend. Sandra |
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
Ahh, Professor, appreciate your read and your thoughtful critique, yes, it is a bit out from the rest of the poem..thank you..gentle smile Thank you, Kit, it was so kind of you being here and giving such nice comments..very gentle smile Ahh, LW, very gentle smile, you make my day by coming in and reading, much less your lovely thoughts..Thank you..very gentle smile Ahh, Nancy, your comments show in your own works and in your kind replies..thank you for your words...very gentle smile Poet, I am glad that you could, it makes me feel my poor efforts are not in vain..thank you..very gentle smile Martie, very gentle smile, yes, I believe you are very right..Glad you picked up on that one..thank you for being here Ahh, Sandra, one never knows, does one? thank you for your gentle words..very gentle smile |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Very well done. You must know that I will put this in the library, for it is a fine addition to some which I wrote a while back, and are currently being published in a local small town newspaper, as it befits the heritage of its residents. Yes, big smiles this morning, all around! |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Very good. I could see this in my mind. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Artful and illustrative writing, and I loved the underlying intertwine of masculine/feminine role reversal too...AND a very appropriate parable for trouble times too! Enjoyed, M'Lo! |
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bonnie1961 Junior Member
since 2001-09-30
Posts 44ny, usa |
as iread, i could picture the moment. god bless our farmers! |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Much uplifting in spirit here, well timed, as well, when we all could use some uplifting, my dear. Cor |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
What a lovely story. And such a happy ending. I like happy endings If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Like Tracey I like happy endings. Unlike the Professor, I don't think the Epilogue hurt the work at all |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Did I ever tell you that you weave and tell a wonderful story, Sweet Warrior?  This one is just as exceptional. Sometimes the heart needs the solace of solitude and silence. |
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