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Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

0 posted 2001-09-27 02:50 PM

I needed this day so badly
to sit by a stream
watching tiny ripples flow past

but I am not sitting beside nature

I’ve not a fire or a peace
I’ve only rum and coke
to keep me company

and it’s best if the editing begins now

I needed this day so badly

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-09-27 02:56 PM

oh Duncan, you are breaking my heart.....I hope you are ok, hugs to you

"when I catch my breath, it's you I breathe" ~Michelle Branch~

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2001-09-27 02:58 PM

Duncan...
I assume the stream is the stream of humanity and watching the ripples of normalcy or normal routines of people...althoug I may have missed entirely the point here... I don't feel as sharp as usual today...so forgive me if I am way off base... the editing is an important art of sorting out our thoughts and reforming them into some sort of pattern so they make sense.
This is a nice piece... in the style I have come to expect from you... yet in truth it is missing just one element of closure in my mind... not sure what it is...oh I have an idea...but that's from my perspective only...so perhaps even the element missing is a part of the poem as well unspoken..

inspired these thoughts in me...

I sat and watched
currents move
in the faces passing
on dripping ripples of mission

my company
uncle jack mixed in cola
only dulled the need
for racing thoughts to travel
paths not fit for shoe or soul

I needed this day
to begin the edit
and as time tick tocked on the floor
images and thoughts fell
into streams of passing people
wondering what stories they too
had to tell

Sorry for the ramble.... seems to be my M.O. today...ramble too freely in other peoples thoughts...

Topheth
Member

since 2001-09-08

Posts 297
Texas

3 posted 2001-09-27 04:40 PM

Enjoyed this much.

walker
Member Elite

since 2001-02-11

Posts 2240
Florida

4 posted 2001-09-27 06:20 PM

I'll have a "Cuba Libre" with you, that's rum and coke(spanish) The thought of a flowing stream is always welcome.

[This message has been edited by walker (edited 09-27-2001).]

Tracey
Member Elite

since 2001-08-29

Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding

5 posted 2001-09-27 10:32 PM

It sure sounds like you need this day. Rough one huh? I won't share a rum and coke with you, but I'll have a beer. Have you got a cold one in the fridge?

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

6 posted 2001-09-27 11:45 PM

I've read it three times and come up with something different each time...if making one think is the hallmark of a good poem, you've done a good job of it here....

Tennessee Angel
Senior Member

since 2000-06-03

Posts 661
Tennessee

7 posted 2001-09-27 11:53 PM

I really liked this one, Duncan. I could use a day like that...to just, for five minutes, step back and not be a part of the chaos around me. This one really made me think and I like that in a poem. Great work!

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

8 posted 2001-09-28 12:04 PM

I understand, and if I could, I would send a peaceful rippling stream for your nightly dream, and cozy campfire to warm your heart. My thoughts will be with you tonight.

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