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Open Poetry #15
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Splinters
| Open Poetry #15 |
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Splinters |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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Splinters The path to the creek catches my eye in brown beguile, clothed with umbrella corn, tall husks tower skyward. Before I descend the wooden stairs, the touch of the rail reminds me of you and the way you would sand it smooth. Now I see you standing with the silk stalks all around you, your shirt and shoes off, the sun glancing of your hair. Your chest is bronzed like smooth dark wood. My hand moves in anticipation and is caught by the rough fabric of years, splintered by neglect. When I look for you on the path I see only weeds. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Oh Martie........... |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
oh, that hurts deeply, how profound, how poignant so gently you came to such pain these words are but ashes compared to the power of yours but I cannot say what I'm feeling in words so here lies a feeble attempt, forgive me that ~~~~~ you surely must never face moments like I speak of in my "Candle Naught" below written and posted today [This message has been edited by VAS (edited 07-20-2001).] |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
A smooth slow build to an unexpected and sad finish. Very well expressed, Martie. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The path to the creek catches my eye in brown beguile, clothed with umbrella corn, ====================== the touch of the rail reminds me of you ======================= Now I see you standing with the silk stalks all around you, your shirt and shoes off, the sun glancing of your hair. Your chest is bronzed like smooth dark wood. My hand moves in anticipation and is caught by the rough fabric of years, splintered by neglect. ============================= *shaking my head*...Ive read this several times now...each time seeing something I didnt the time before... the way you mastered the imagery, metaphors and comparisons of elements to define the emotions are brilliant...the way you led us down that path with you is just so cool... and the impact of the ending is poetry in motion... also impressive is how few verses it took to paint this detailed portrait of bittersweet intend. My muse should stay gone after reading this   meonly you could give love that satisfies the soul... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
in brown beguile of what once was tall husks tower skyward time travels fast the touch of the rail reminds me of that in which trust was placed ...silk stalks all around you soft shine of hope my hand moves in anticipation reaching ~*~ thoughts...inspired.... well done little one.... and yes...I do hear it all... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sea--Two words mean much sometimes. VAS--You make me smile...thank you, and yes I do! Denise--Thank you..that's just what I wanted to do. Janet Marie--Your muse is not gone...turst me.  Karilea--You are always inspired...so glad I had a little part. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Martie this actually caught my breath! ~ You do this dance only once ~ |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ Very poignant portrayal. You're amazing, poet. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hi all...thank you so much for your reply...I was touched by a photo that a friend sent me of her husband standing on the path to the creek...it brought me this poem. |
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shadow974 Senior Member
since 2001-06-21
Posts 636Michigan |
Excellently written Martie. You do have a way with words. We were walking that path with you. Do not fear going forward slowly, |
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Qumar Fatthi Member
since 2001-05-20
Posts 59Pakistan |
Great poem.......... excellent thinking...... |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Martie- Wonderful as always. Love it! hugs, ~vicky "...until you have read the verse on his |
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