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SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

0 posted 2001-08-24 01:32 AM

Missing U
Looking at the phone and you can't call,Looking at the car and you're not home,

Missing U
Looking out the window and I can't see you,Dialing numbers and I can't call you,

Missing U
Hearing our song on the raido,Laying down and you're not there,

Missing U
People asking how you do,Girls talking about their boyfriends too,

Missing U
Hugging my teddybears because you're not there,Blowing kisses at the air because you're not here,

I really really really really really

Miss U

*You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun!

*gurls are sweet, Gurls are nice, but im the gurl with whip cream and ice

I hope y

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

1 posted 2001-08-24 02:47 AM

Well done. I was just listening to some Matt Good while I read this. Jives really well with it, lol.

As far as constructive critique:

I don't mean to sound indellicate, but, to all would be culprits here:

For the love of all things sacred, please stop using U and R and so on in place of "you" and "are"!!!!

Anyhow, liked the poem, and thought it was well written. I love your use of actions to make your points, like

looking out the window

or

looking at the phone.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-08-24 05:44 PM

HeHeHe-I'm w/ Fractal... I hate the use of "u" and "R" in all poetry. Bad habit to break, I know. Because when you chat you write that just to be faster, and you forget to write out the word when posting. HeHe.
But hey- If thats the only critique then you're doing damn good.
I know how ya feel here...Such agony. Blah. HeHe. Another nice read.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

AsBurYAnGel
Junior Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 14
Virginia

3 posted 2001-08-24 10:07 PM

Hey i really liked this poem. It was a good read. nice job.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-08-26 03:50 PM

Wow sounds like you really do miss somebody. Hope things get better for you.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

5 posted 2001-08-27 01:54 AM

i'd be three to agree about the u's and r'z, but otherwise a very nice piece!

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
- Godsmack

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

6 posted 2001-08-27 06:19 AM

Very sad... I feel so sorry for you! but im sure this feeling goes .... right?

Nice write,

ALLIE

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-09-05 08:11 PM

I enjoyed the poem a lot. Just hoping that whoever this person is, that you both are back in each other's arms

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma

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