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Teen Poetry #5
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Dream (ok guys i fixed the format see if this is better)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Dream (ok guys i fixed the format see if this is better) |
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SunShine913
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC 
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Dream When I close my eyes at night I dream of you holding me tightWith your arms around me, I'm safe free from this world, in a new place. I see us happy together Smiling back at each otherso you're with me all the timeyou live within this heart of mine. Near or far we'll know that only our love will grow What we have I can't describe I only know when I'm with you I feel alive. What I see is how I feel I know in time it could be real so take my hand and you'll seethat all these dreams will soon be our reality... _______________________________ All right guys tell me if this is any better!!! *You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun! |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrea L. Figueroa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Its not bad, but here's what I would try: "When I close my eyes at night I dream of you holding me tight With your arms around me, I'm safe Free from this world, in a new place. I see us happy together Smiling back at each other so you're with me all the time you live within this heart of mine. Near or far we'll know that only our love will grow What we have I can't describe I only know when I'm with you I feel alive. What I see is how I feel I know in time it could be real so take my hand and you'll see that all these dreams will soon be our reality..." This is just my 2 cents. The separated lines would make it seems more like a poem, and give each line a little more distinction. [This message has been edited by Heavens Tears (edited 08-24-2001).] |
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SunShine913
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC |
Your right heavens tears .. thank you sooooooooo much !!! *You only live once, so live it to the fullest and have fun! |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Dont mention it. That is why we are all here, to get ideas on our own poetry, as well as offer ideas on others. I think this is a great poem, and it sounds like this person is very special to you. Very sweet poem! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought it was just fine. I did enjoy the way it was written. Another poem well done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Delirious_Smurf Member
since 2001-08-08
Posts 90Nothingness,P.R. |
I liked it  Very sweet and pretty  Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand. |
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