»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
What if
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
What if |
|
|
TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa 
|
Hehe, okay, this one was done kinda roughly, and thanks for the replies to my previous posts, you guys are the best! What if I asked you to leave me here, in my own prison of sad, angry fear. What if I asked you not to question why, cause I can't explain it and will probably lie. What if I asked you not to judge me for this, for the life I don't have is one I don't miss. What if I asked you not to help me please cause I need to face my own windy breeze. What if I asked you all this, what would you do? What if you did all this, would I stop asking you to? Makes no sence..hehe...don't take it all too seriously  Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice! |
||
| © Copyright 2001 TearsOfPearls - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Actually the ending makes perfect sense. I liked it a lot. If you keep on asking for, let's say, a kiss and he doesn't give it to you then you'll keep asking, but if he does give it to you all the time then there would be no reason to ask for it since you'd always be getting it. Maybe you'd even have to ask him NOT to give you a kiss...haha ok anyway....I enjoyed the poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Yup, listen to Dr Dopey up there.  I like this one a lot more than the other one I read from you. It appeared to have more feeling and to speak of actions that are easy to connect with. Thanks for the read. ~AF~ Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!! |
||
Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Good work, ToP I really enjoyed the read, keep on posting Andrew |
||
|
scout Member
since 2001-06-16
Posts 175no place owns me |
the poem makes perfect sense, a lesson people can learn on judging. xscoutx |
||
|
Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
It makes perfect sense, and is a great poem. Good job! *Amanda* |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
enjoyed the read and it made perfect sense ...great job!...bye  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I believe it does make sense. The questions we go thru with our partners I guess we all go thru it hope things are ok keep sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
||
|
Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
I really enjoyed this TOP... What don't kill you can only make you stronger... |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Just like everyone said, makes perfect sense. I really liked the way you asked the whole poem in questions. Very creative, and powerful at the same time. The meter throughout this poem is overall pretty good. There are places here and there where you could maybe add or take away one word or syllable in a line, and the flow would turn out perfect. But it's not too noticeable, therefore, not a big deal. The two lines I liked the most here were: "for the life I don't have/is one I don't miss." That line really stuck out for me... although I'm not quite sure why. Hehe I really enjoyed this poem. It's very well written! You're a talented poet, and I'm enjoying reading your work. I hope to see more soon. Well done. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
||
|
Missthang Member
since 2001-07-03
Posts 103 |
this was actually really really good!!! i can feel a lot of what you are saying. at times i try to capture the same thing in my writing but it never sounds as gracefull! EXCELLENT JOB!! |
||
|
branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Wow this is a second ive read of yours and well this is great plz keep posting |
||
|
EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
If you asked me these things, my dear I'd reply, "That is all fine with me", and I wouldn't ask why, For we all need our time alone, And some of us are better off that way... |
||
|
Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
I agree, it makes perfect sense. I have too many friends who won't want help with anything. Who would ask me not o try but would still care. And whetehr you want help or not, you can draw from the fact that some people will still offer help. Because no matter what the hells going on, someone cares. Basic nature. No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee |
||
|
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I thought this poem made perfect sense. I really liked it...Keep em comin!!!! |
||
|
thedarkangel Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 74~*~the cutest~*~ |
sometimes fuzzy logic makes the most sense... well it does to me anyway! great poem i really enjoyed reading it! keep them comin! laura ~*~ Be honest and don't follow fads and fashion. do what you do and do it well ~*~jon bon jovi~*~ |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
