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Teen Poetry #5
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The sun will rise, my generation (villanelle)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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The sun will rise, my generation (villanelle) |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697
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Apologies to the king of Villanelle, Mr. Riverwood  Our world is dark and full of sin and lies It seems that all our hope and joy has fled And still, deep down, I feel the sun shall rise Our ears are filled with hungry children’s cries Alone and sobbing in their little beds Our world is dark and full of sin and lies The old defeated people count their sighs They can’t believe where roads of strife have lead And still, deep down, I feel the sun shall rise The earth is tainted, weeping as it dies And no more life is born to take its stead Our world is dark and full of sin and lies Adults don’t care, except for sells and buys Such greed controls each single word that’s said And still, deep down, I feel the sun shall rise But still there’s hope, I see it in our eyes My generation’s hope will not be dead Our world is dark and full of sin and lies And still, deep down, I feel the sun shall rise  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli [This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 08-10-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Good gravey! That was beautiful! Darn that Allan, eh? Hehe...but you did very well on this one! It flowed nicely too. Very well done! Dark...  -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
LoveBug~ Well, young lady ... This 'old defeated people' likes the way you did this ! Nice to see your talent expanding~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Great work, as I told you when I read this already before. You are really getting the hang of the villanelle format very, very well. You even got a reply from the almighty Marge Tindal. Can't wait to see some more. Yours, ~Allan The children of the nobility are playing here. they look up at you with disgust as you come near. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This was really well written, Erica! I haven't seen many villanelles from you.. I hope I see more soon! I really enjoyed this one. Villanelles are one of my fav formats to read. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
 Erica!! Loved this...awesome idear hehe. One critique - the repetition of hope in the last stanza. You dun need it girlio  Love you lots, talk to you soon..~Carly Speak softly and carry a beagle. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
LoveBug- This is wonderful! Extremely well-written, and I love the message in this one. "But still there’s hope, I see it in our eyes My generation’s hope will not be dead Our world is dark and full of sin and lies And still, deep down, I feel the sun shall rise" There is definitely hope, especially while there are young people like you to help point the way. Beautifully said, Erica. Hugs, ~vicky "...until you have read the verse on his |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Wow, this one is awesome. I am not to familiar with this form of poetry, but I definately have to say I like it, alot! Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
I though this was very good. i like the ending, with the hope it showed. very good job It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wonderful Erica!...this came across to me as a VERy realistic piece yet written in beauty...LOVED the read!...buh bye  if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry- |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Erica, although you have dubbed Allan the 'King of Villanelle', I think you have pulled of the feminine title, or queen, very well yourself. There were some very nice lines in there and the ones you chose to use as the repeatitive lines were excellently done throughout the entire piece. A very good theme was chosen and I am always amazed at the nature and professionalism of your writing. You blow me away every time. Thank you for the read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I like the format you used...i thought this poem was very enjoyable!! Good job hun |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this one Erica......well done. Hey are you even here? I mean, you left....where r u ? ERICA!!!!!!!!!? Mua! good poem  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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