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Looking Back
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Looking Back |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677
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This poem has almost no pattern, except for the 2 repeated lines, but I hope it still sounds OK. Be honest!! She was but a child unaware of the anger surrounding her, blind to the imperfect world around her, until someone or something opened her eyes. She was no longer shielded by childhood ignorance but she still found herself looking back, over her shoulder to see how things could have been. She was but a young teen only trying to fit in among her peers. But she was too different, in that she didn't have a "perfect life" or at least she couldn't pretend to. She began to feel she was no longer in control and she constantly found herself looking back over her shoulder to see how things could have been. She was but a confused adolescent simply trying to figure out who she was, but the urge to give up often overpowers the will to go on... Until she finds the strength to stop herself from giving up to the urge to look over her shoulder to see how things could have been. I need more time to find the real me... to fly like the birds... to be set free. [This message has been edited by Heavens Tears (edited 08-06-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Heavens Tears - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I like this one. It is very good. I had that same problem a while back. After I graduated I looked back and wished I did things different. It's too late to look back, just go on with the future. I like the message. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Hey!  I really liked this one. A wonderful message here. And I LOVED the lines... "but the urge to give up often overpowers the will to go on..." Very profound. Nice write! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought you did just fine in here. You really shouldn't point out the flaws of a poem cuz then the reader looks for them, or expects them. I thought it was great.....no falws, i liked it. Well done  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
"But she was too different, in that she didn't have a "perfect life" or at least she couldn't pretend to." I liked those lines the best. I also agree with Dopes here. If you want to point something out, put it at the end of the poem so that the reader isn't expecting anything when they start reading. Anyway, I think that the person you were writing this about is jut going through a normal stage of adolescence. I think everyone has those feelings sometime while they're growing up. Anywho, I enjoyed this. Not your best, but I enjoyed it just the same. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
great poem! i enjoyed it! robin i don't give up without a fight so boys beware! |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
I often find myself looking back on my life and ask myself how I wish I could change some things.This poem is really good I enjoyed it keep up the great work. Lauren |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
You have no idea how many times I look back and try to see how things could have been; to see the innocence that was lost a long time ago: those are the "Pastel Memories" from my poem, "Frozen Moments, Pastel Memories." The poem was really good, in the opinion of this novice writer. Hope to see more. Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually). |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Thanks for the advice Dopes! Thanks to everyone for replying to my work! *If you can't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is a really good narration on a person's circumstance. I do assume it's about you. I do like what you're trying to portray and the lessons and advices you are trying to share. Thanks for sharing and keep it up. beautiful read. hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma |
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