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Teen Poetry #5
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Amaranth dream
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Amaranth dream |
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samt Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 52Brisbane |
You have to read this slowly, sensually, so your heart can listen. My heart has so much love I just wish she would give me another chance to show her the true me the one she could see if only she would give me that chance I could show you no mistakes I could show you my pure heart my love filled with passion you must remember the good times as much as the bad 'cause one sweet smile from you wipes off all sad it felt like an amaranth dream our pure times a never-ending relm, in the honey fields of love only fate will tell if my path leads me to you only the true me will lead her to me you have to be yourself thy heart speaks to me you have to have fun it's your destiny we will see my love 'cause feelings change how the wind blows so up and down, to and fro if it does happon I will show you the true me the me you said I Love You to and then we will see at that single moment like a pair o dove, we will be In Love [This message has been edited by samt (edited 08-07-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Sam - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This is the first of your poems that I have read. I liked it. It had an interesting flow and a message that I could totally relate to. I do have one suggestion though. I think the ending would be more powerful if you left off the last line and ended it with "In Love". Just my opinion. It's a good poem Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this one. it did sink into my heart. I thought you wrote this with a touch of magic. It really came off as a wonderful poem. Great job.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a beautiful poem. I was into this from the very beginning. The words really touched me... "our pure times a never-ending relm, in the honey fields of love only fate will tell if my path leads me to you" Very nicely done. THis is a wonderfully written poem. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
OMG I'M GONNA CRY! THE ENDING REALLY GOT OT ME! IT WAS AN AWESOME POEM. ROBIN i don't give up without a fight so boys beware! |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
The poetic style was interesting... and indeed, it was one which was meant to read a little more slowly because of the way it shaped the words and the way it wanted the images to unfold. I have to say that this piece really was an interesting one... the first I've read from you, and I look forward to more. ^^ Nice job. Of course I have to say something relatively critical, though, since it's bothering me... when I read the title of your work, I thought the image of the amaranth would be prominent, and the mythological flower never seemed to be portrayed very well in this piece... although the phrase "amaranth dream" probably means something than what I thought, as I interpreted it, I never saw why you used those words in an allusion. ^_^ The title is the part that stands out most in this poem, and yet, to me, it doesn't connect well nor does it have the same flow as the rest of the poem... and its literal use inside of the poem as a phrase seemed out of place. It does, however, echo the same way the poem does... and I think the poem would have been stronger if you had avoided the use of the words 'amaranth dream' inside of the actual poem. Just my thought, though... those words are too lyrical, and the words used here too subtle. It just seems really out of place. Basically, though, that was my only major problem with the poem. ^_^ Other than that, it flowed well, and it echoed beautifully, and it was definitely a noteworthy piece. Thank you very much for the read... the title really caught my eye (thanks to one of my friends, anything related to the amaranth catches my eye), and made the click and the time spent reading well worth it. - holatuwol |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
.....ugh....i can never trully keep myself away from this place!!! first of all id like to say.........................................WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!! there's another AUSSIE in here!!!!!...  !!!hiya smat  i enjoyed this piece very much!!!...the first ive read of yours and i have to say that this is written beautifully...the images unfolded slowly and "sensually" like it was meant to..  thanks for sharing im going to look forward to more from you!! period pain is HELL! |
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samt Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 52Brisbane |
Thankyou very much for your words. Amaranth dream as a title just reminded me of a beautiful Woman I once knew, Megan was...a never ending dream, it does seem out of place, but, it is my heart, no matter how strange it might be. It is pure Love. Anyway _ AUSSIES RULE wooooooooooooooooo yeahhhhh |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I'm trying ot catch up on ther poems I have missed...and MAN am I ever glad I did...THis was a wonderful poem. So beautiful! I loved it. Very nice write here. You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
I loved this poem. its awesome. i read it slowly like you said. it made all the difference. i could also relate to this a whole lot. great work here. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
Ohh.. that was beautiful.. so very beautiful. The ending was just - wow. definately one for the library *love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.* |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Another Aussie is good to see. hi. Aussie here too. Obviously. Anyway... how nice to see that you found someone worthy of such a poem. She must have a great place in your heart. Your wording was quite beatiful but the ending I found to be quite weak. Just in love. Wacky doo. I don't know, it is probably just me but things like that make a difference in my world. Thanks for the read and remember to reply heaps! ~AF~ I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout. *toot toot* |
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samt Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 52Brisbane |
Thankyou all for you comments. anonfemale, your right, In Love is a bit weak, but what would you suggest? Anyone? Aussies everywhere, ahhhh Thanks again Sam |
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