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Clouds of Sorrow
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Clouds of Sorrow |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Clouds of Sorrow Resting upon this grass I ponder watching every cloud pass by For me there is no other wonder always changing in the sky Dreaming within this life I found nothing but darkness each day My mind and body are still around yet my mind is far away Everything is darker I soughed many times I have denied Purple streaks raging out loud noises crack far and wide Which created tears from every cloud thus made me stay, while I cried "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." |
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| © Copyright 2001 Aaron B. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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thedragonthomas Junior Member
since 2001-07-30
Posts 15 |
nice flow with your poetry and i like the word usage, well later! |
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allie Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218Australia |
Which created tears from every cloud thus made me stay, while I cried WOW!! that was a really really great i dunno personificationi guess? Anyway fabulous post, ALLIE |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
heeeey i loved this! yay for the flow of the poetry, i was able to read it straight thru without stopping. this is really good, thanks for sharing. tis going in my library :-D -fear- i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Nicely done with a quiet darkness.  Dreaming within this life I found nothing but darkness each day My mind and body are still around yet my mind is far away Now who can say it better than that...that IS me. lol. Hit home! Purple streaks raging out loud Great line there. Never thought of it that way... Hope to see more from you! -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Thank you all, this is the first poem I have written in the last 2 months and I am glad that you enjoyed it. "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Your first in two months you say? Well congratulations on finding your muse again. It's not very nice when they run off and hide.  I generally enjoyed the piece but some parts of it really made me go, 'huh??'. Two lines actually. "My mind and body are still around yet my mind is far away" Now either I am plain stupid or this doesn't make sense. You are saying that your mind is still here yet it is far away. Explain that to me. Other than that, it is quite a good job for someone fresh off the blocks. Good work. ~AF~ "Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Yeah I had to hunt down my Muse, I set a trap and I caught him . Anyway, I will describe the whole poem so that there is no confusion.1st Stanza 1. Resting on grass while thinking 2. watching every cloud pass by 3. to me there is nothing more beautiful 4. clouds always change in the sky (like how clouds take different shapes and look like stuff) 2nd Stanza 5. I continue to dream in this life I have 6. for my life has darkness each day 7. my mind and body are still in that darkness 8. but my mind escapes the darkness (it escapes by dreaming, so it kind of goes back to the first line of this stanza) 3rd Stanza 9. everything is darker I murmured (the clouds are getting more darker, a sign that it will rain) 10. many times I tried to deny it (try to convince myself that it won't rain) 11. lightning streaming across this sky 12. and thunder pounding every where 13. the sound of this made the clouds cry (rain) 14. which made me stay while I cried This whole last stanza shows that there isn't just darkness in my life [2nd stanza]but also in the clouds that I thought were so beatiful [described in the 1st stanza] which made me cry. Hopefuly that clears things up. "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
sure did clear it...as this piece...i can relate...nicely expressed...i REALLY liked it,Aaron. "if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take" - when thugs cry- |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this one! It's awesome! Great job here. I loved the explanation......more people should do them. Awesome job.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Awesome work! I REALLY liked this one. The flow was amazing... and I really enjoyed reading the explination. It was very helpful. Thanks for sahring --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
I so felt myself just floating along with the words of the poem. It was so nicely metered that it just mesmerized me as my mind moved from one image to the next...tight piece " How can i feel if i can't breathe...?" |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
i think i already posted here... >.< Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... [This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 08-04-2001).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
 <~~~ thats the colour i am aaron after reading this!*tries to breath*....this is so awesome! i didnt know tarzaan was capable of producing anything other then the unintelligable "AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  in all seriousness i thought that this poem is nuthing short of brilliant!It flowed effortlessly in my head and the content was sad yet beautiful. this is a really good poem from you...you've done an outstanding job! i loved every bit of it-thanks for sharing period pain is HELL! |
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Delirious_Smurf Member
since 2001-08-08
Posts 90Nothingness,P.R. |
Lovely! It was great  I specially loved this "Dreaming within this life I found nothing but darkness each day My mind and body are still around yet my mind is far away" I can understand... but yeah way to go! |
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