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Teen Poetry #5
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Not beautiful to you (forgotten)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Not beautiful to you (forgotten) |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Not beautiful to you (forgotten) I'm a fictional character In a sapphire studded dress Of tantalising delights Yet still the legs protrude Like my bones… Am I still beautiful to you? The wind is whispering You're dead child, run! But still lolly wrappers mould My mind and crack my skull It's breaking down… Am I still beautiful to you? My temple made of 90% water Flows through crevices In a tinge of red and black Ruining the purity of life Everything's forgotten… Am I still beautiful to you? Your dots to dots are like mine Except I have played boxes We're a mirror image Sweeping through Melbourne So now I ask… Am I still beautiful to you? [NO] I'm not beautiful anymore. --------------------- There is a point to this one. It's probably the most personal one I've ever posted in here. Yes I'm writing about someone. *shock, horror* Bleh...hope it was enjoyed. ~AF~ "Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy." - Susanna Kaysen |
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| © Copyright 2002 Elizabeth Johnson - All Rights Reserved | |||
NapalmsConstantlyConfused
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529 |
i usually don't read teen but i came in here for this one..... i have to say: Whoa. Cool. ok then. -Dave |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
"We're a mirror image" i thought that was the most amazing line of the entire piece and i'll tell u why...u speak of how this person does not find you beautiful n e more, but if you are mirror images, they must night find beauty in themselfes n e more either. It is said that a person can not truly love or appreciate another person until him/her has felt that way about themselfes. It is not you that this person does not see beautiful..but i think it is themself. Amazing job..loved this a lot!! iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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Spirit Of Twilight Member
since 2002-01-11
Posts 116India |
This is a beautiful poem...and ripping it to shreds would be a terrible thing to do! I do identify with some of your feelings...but one thing that I have to say is...you are beautiful, beautiful to someone who is beautiful to you. All the same, I loved this poem! Thanks for sharing it! ~Neha |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I always have to read when you post, and like usual you never let me down. This was very awesome. You paint the picture so well with this one. If that makes NE sense. I don't know, great write Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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laconic Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 64Melbourne, Australia |
gota say the word that struck me the most was...Melbourne....lol...strange child i am. But it was a daaaamn good poem, and u conveyed all ya emotions as if u were handing them to the reader, i liked it alot. Thanks for gettin this off ya chest and on our minds. *goin in da library |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
EJ...*hugs* Such a wonderful write...I can't describe the different emotions going on here. Tragic though. Wistful and resentful, yet curious in an unquestionable way. I really enjoy what you've written. Hope all is well! leah "...and sometimes when the music whispers softly in your ears, take some time to dream a dream and put aside your fears..." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked it liz. Thought you did rather well on it. Nice to see something very personal about you sometimes in written poetry form. Hope to see more.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Elizabeth- This is very well done, and an extremely powerful piece. I enjoyed it very much.  Great to see you posting. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Yes, Lizzy very much enjoyed. Although I can't claim to know who this is for, or what exactly you're feeling in this one, I certainly feel as though I can relate to it. Your words here are very emotional and expressive, and I could almost see the hopelessness...almost yearning in this piece. Nice ver very nice... *hugs* Jenn "I can't get you out of my head- your love is all I think about." |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
This is a very powerful piece Elizabeth ... wonderful emotion you've elicited here, well done. Best wishes, /Kit |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
wow...the imagery was mindblowing. i especially loved this stanza: "My temple made of 90% water Flows through crevices In a tinge of red and black Ruining the purity of life Everything's forgotten… Am I still beautiful to you?" you made this sound errily contemporary within all the metaphors which gave a lot more to the piece then it would have sounded without. you've really touched a chord in this wittle heart with your poem. i have might have an inkling about who this is directed to, but then again my brain was left on the moon to dine on cheese so i maybe wrong. in any case this is really well penned. sure its not my absolute fav from you ("little jimmy tacker" has taken that spot) but its extremely good nonetheless  keep posting chicka...i for one thrive on your poems My england is goodly- are you strudable? |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
"So now I ask… Am I still beautiful to you? [NO] I'm not beautiful anymore." We have to accept people as they are.... or we're in the end forcing ourselves on them. *scratches chin* Maybe that's just a load of dung. I don't know.  But the poem.... damn. Very wonderfully written. Tragic is a good word. Tragic, remoursful. Sad. You have a lot of talent. I'm much indepted to have read it. ~ Titus "Tesous Christos, Theou Uios, Soter" |
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ericaisamonkey Member
since 2002-04-04
Posts 51A little town north of nowhere |
all i can say is WOW. I thought some of my stuff is intense.. WOW. You did a very nice job of describing in detail, with few words. If this is the first personal one you've posted GOOD JOB. you should post more of them. you really know what you're talking about. ::Applause:: *Erica* [This message has been edited by ericaisamonkey (04-06-2002 08:21 PM).] |
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ericaisamonkey Member
since 2002-04-04
Posts 51A little town north of nowhere |
lol sorry i just had to come back and add you to my library. lol nice write |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Dave: Glad you popped into Teen in the first place. Stick around for a bit more. You never know...you might see a juggling lunatic wearing a purple tu-tu. Michele: You're so right in the aspect of beauty and how we can't find others beautiful until we deem ourselves to be as such. What I was meaning in the mirror image line was through the 'disorders' that we both have, we're staring at internal reflections of ourselves. I probably should have explained that one a little better but you're right. Neha: You should rip everything to shreds! Thank you for your kind words. Jon: Hey hey! What you wrote made perfect sense and thank you for it. I'd like to ditto that comment back at you. You're an amazing writer. Iaconic: 'ello Mr melbourne. Melbourne was the best part of the piece. It worked much so much better than...Tasmania. *grins* Now thank you for your comments and for putting it in your library. That's quite the compliment in itself. Leeeeah: Tragic is always a good thing. people can relate to it more. Yes, all is well. At the time i was just feeling really crappy and generally angry with this person but the birds are chirping so yay! *dances* Javi: Well, well...nice to see you didn't fall off the end of the earth. *poke* I always write personal, just not *personal* if that makes any sense. Er...yeah, thank ya for stopping by. Vicky: Glad to hear you enjoyed it. It does feel good to be posting again so thanks a lot for your kind words. Jenn: I'll tell you who it's about later on if you like. Relation is good. It's what I aim for (sort of). Thanks for reading it. We can now frolic through the fields with bubble blower thingies and colourful raindrops! Kit: Thank you so much for stopping by. Like I said, this one is probably the most personal so emotional was all part of the package. *char-ish*: BOO! GARG! lol...alrighty, calming down now. Mind blowing imagery? Nah...you lie! Aha! You DO have a heart. Everyone else was lying and I knew those midgets down at 7-eleven were fooling with me when they said they had it in a jar. o_O I think your inkling is correct. It could only be about him. I say we kill him. Thank ya so much for reading it and for your incredibe niceness. Seriously, it means a lot. Titus: We do have to accept people as they are, mmhmm...but it's a matter of liking what we see when we accept them. That's the only crappy thing about that fine line. Sad is a good thing, right? Sad often brings out the best in people (or so I've seen) so I'm taking that as a grand compliment. *grins* Thanks for replying and reading. Erica: Wow, thank YOU. It's not the first personal one I've ever posted in here but one of the more closer to the bone ones. Thankyou for your comments and even more, for thinking highly enough of it to put it in your library. Once again, thank you everyone.  "Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy." - Susanna Kaysen |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i understand every word. it was amazingly written. i loved it. please let me know how you are. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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ericaisamonkey Member
since 2002-04-04
Posts 51A little town north of nowhere |
lol i needed to thread this... nice job *Erica* |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I LOVED THIS POEM SO MUCH!!!!! ::bumpity bump:: iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Lots of complex emotions here, It's so sad, in a way. I can sympathize, in some odd way. You'll always be beuatiful to someone. You never know who... a lesson I've learned all too well. Great poem! After Love comes Pain, then Love, Then Pain, then Love, then Pain..... does anyone else see a pattern here? Oh well, can't say it's not worth it. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Well...what to say... I picture you reading this sitting down with a painfully-twisted-yet-more-sad-than-anything look...Quite the tragic piece indeed... But still lolly wrappers mould My mind and crack my skull It's breaking down… I really like that. It's just kinda..weird. Suits you, girly!  Keep the pen moving. ~Carly "Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I never thought you could write like this I'm just speechless right now Hey, email me will ya I haven't talked to you in while  Missin our conversations already EMAIL ME là où est mon amour? |
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