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Teen Poetry #5
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Dying whilst defeat reminisces…
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Dying whilst defeat reminisces… |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Not the best but at least it is honest for once. In my dreams The purple coated fascinations Surround slumbers sanctuary Yet still horrify my mind That yearns for something…. Tries to fight…. The burdening struggle Located in the scarred body That I once knew as my own Dancing in a fairy tale Once upon a time… I relapse Perhaps I dream in the attempt To escape this reality Where a devil has my soul And fantasy is past. Shadows lurk in the corners As darkness covers the world Life in my body is ending And swallowing Everything I struggled to make Everything I struggled to keep… Crumbling are the pictures Hanging the wrong way Around in my house Of feverish nightmares The tears fall like bullets Each one leaving A mark. Poisoning the waterhole From where life drinks But slowly It is dying… Loneliness engulfs me Breaks me Grinds me! Beats me into oblivion. The sapphire ocean Promising me the world But delivering failed attempts Of happiness And ear piercing screams The sounds of Misery weeping… I've become nothing The same nothing Shaking in the moonlight That swallowed 50 ships And tried to sail away. The yearning for that taste Has grown Stronger and it's thumping Whispering my number Bringing back the memory That wasn't too long ago… Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Elizabeth Johnson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DarkenedShadow Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114Kansas |
Amazing and soo vast of a concept, the way you write interestes me, maybe you could give me some pointers... I loved the idea you used for this poem. Give me more I say! /Nick/ |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Damn you E.J.... Now this time I can't give my indepth view on it case I'll be wrong or something. HaHa ANYWAY- Very intense writing here. I'm putting it in the library so I can analyze a few parts a bit more so I can fully grasp what you are saying. This part: "Loneliness engulfs me Breaks me Grinds me! Beats me into oblivion" The power and emotion there was mind blowing. Ya- anyway- Into the lirbary it goes. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This one was excellent. I liked this one alot. I don't know why, but this poem got to me. I liked it alot, it's going in the library . Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wOW...eJ...from the heart..eh?  ...you know i related to this whole piece, totally...i think this expressed so much...the pain from all sorts of lifes emotions..."Dancing in a fairy tale Once upon a time…" this part hit me a little more...as this to me... showed my childhood in a way...you did an awesome job...and i hope to see more of this kind of poetry from you...bye  [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-26-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Facinating and awesome and great and wonderful and deep and awesome....erm..i said that.. Yea well this rocked completely Liz! Freakin' Amazing work here! "The same nothing Shaking in the moonlight That swallowed 50 ships And tried to sail away."- genius. I really loved that part of the poem. Simply awesome. Great piece, one of my favs from you.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Hellseyes Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 120Kansas, USA |
this is da $#!^...yes i loved this peice, it speaks volumns that peirce the soul../Drew/ |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Liz!! This was amazing, i loved it. The best of all it was from the heart!! I love it, and it was awesome. I think this was your best, maybe... Keep it up!! ~Jeff~ |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
 LIZZYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is sooooooo AWESOME!!!!!!....i love this!!...you are such and outstanding poet!!!!...ugh ugh...*turns a nice shade of verdant greeen*...im printing this out..expect 5 cents in the mail soon!!! "Killer in me is a killer in you, my love |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Thank you for the kind words, guys. Nick: Seriously, don't come to me for pointers...hehe Jesa:  You can't be wrong! No one is ever wrong! lol. I'm glad you liked it. Jon: Great to hear you liked it. Albertia: Your childhood, eh? One more part about you to add to the puzzle. I'm figuring another part of you out every day. Javi: That part is my fave too. I hope everyone got what I was saying there. It's a pretty significant part of the piece. Drew: Thank you. Piercing the soul is what I aim for.  Jeff: Thank you too. The heart wasn't beating too well that day. Glad to hear you liked it. Cherish:  You're too kind to me! I couldn't help but laugh my head off at the 5 cent piece bit though. Yours still has to come. LOL Once again, thanks everyone. "Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I am SO sorry I am late on this one Lizzy... I wish I would have seen this sooner. This is definitely a library piece in it's FULL meaning. The whole poem was SO deep.. the content absolutely amazed me.. the power throughout.. the descriptions of the engulfing darkness... I can't say enough about what I just read. In the beginning you said it wasn't the greatest, but the least I can do is beg to differ! This was amazing in every sense of the word. I LOVED the way you opened with the dream, and the ending left me in awe. I couldn't help but it read times over... this is an amazing piece Liz. A TRUE show off of the talent you possess, and a piece to be VERY proud of! BEAUTIFULLY done.. I don't know what to say.. Absolutely fantastic writing.. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
*standing ovation* That's all I have to say hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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Poet Unknown Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 140Missouri |
great job, really liked readin it Only darkness falls on those without souls |
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