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lil_pwheeler
Junior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 39
here

0 posted 2001-07-23 01:30 AM

Today, tommoro
Anyday
Who knows
When I'll pass away

Can you tell me
Do you know
When I'll leave
Pass on and go

Life is short
Life is sweet
How can
It be so cheap

So remember the days
You had with that one lifelong friend
For who knows tommoro, could be, just be, might be
The End

Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

1 posted 2001-07-23 07:18 AM

I liked this one..the way you went from short little lines to longer ones in the last stanza was a little odd though. Maybe shorten up the last stanza, but still keep it longer than the others.

Anyway, keep it up.

I'm sticking this in my library
-Kosetsu

"Love, like the Rose, is desired. And like the Rose, Love has its thorns." - Unknown

Starnite
Junior Member

since 2001-07-05

Posts 41
Wisconsin

2 posted 2001-07-23 10:46 AM

It was great. I liked how it went from short to long. Gret work!

**Sarah

DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

3 posted 2001-07-23 10:59 AM

I'm with you total on this poem... beautiful way to express it. Everything fell into place, as I hope life will...

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-07-23 09:21 PM

How odd that I read this after just watching "Final Destination."...Anyway- I liked it alot. Thought you did a great job. Keep posting.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-07-26 01:01 AM

Spice is going to die!

Anyhow, great job on the poem. I really liked the ending. The second to last line was superb and really brought out a lot of power. Well done on this poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-07-27 11:12 PM

LMAO@Dopey...NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

A very short but sweet poem. Indeed you never know when it may be the end but that's the chance on life itself you have to take. Each day you'll never know.
"Life is short
Life is sweet
How can
It be so cheap"
I liked that part a lot. Life is cheap because whoever created life decided to make it hell for some people.

Thanks for the read.

~AF~

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Robin Williams

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

7 posted 2001-07-28 02:06 AM

i liked the little message you had at the end...nicly done here lil p.
keep posting!!!

"Killer in me is a killer in you, my love
Send a smile over to you"
Disarm
Smashing Pumkins

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-08-02 01:23 PM

I really liked the last stanza. The message you had there was nicely done. I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

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