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jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

0 posted 2001-07-21 02:30 AM

‘Pieces Gone’

The scissors cut along perforations,
Created by hassles of our lives.
We fall apart and break into two,
And I’m left in my cries.

Never to be glued back to one,
I still yearn for our existence.
But our little pieces halt to form,
And your left in the distance.

Soon the pieces fold down,
And crumble to wrinkles aground.
They dampen in my tears,
Never again to be found.

I fail to paste them once more,
As I slowly break down.
And permanent lines in my face,
Reflect a sorrowful frown.

I'm in need of a new being,
To fall into it’s place.
And join into my pieces,
To forever embrace.

-JR

Shygirl82
Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 245
Ilinois

1 posted 2001-07-21 04:51 AM

Jeremy,
I liked this piece alot.

"I'm in need of a new being,
To fall into it’s place.
And join into my pieces,
To forever embrace."

I honestly thought this was a beautiful piece of writing and thanks so much for sharing.
Always,
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

2 posted 2001-07-21 04:51 AM

JR ~ I realy enjoyed this...

Awesome work!

What don't kill you can only make you stronger...

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

3 posted 2001-07-21 12:32 PM

This was really good... words have left so i can't say anything more creative but this was really good. Keep writing and sharing

Chel
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA

4 posted 2001-07-21 03:57 PM

Hey there,
This was an awesome piece. I haven't been here in a while so ive missed a lot. Keep up the great work, like I know you will.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front."
"You are special and unique in your own way." "Your FAITH is all you need"

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

5 posted 2001-07-21 04:44 PM

jeremy! ure back..about time. I missed your poems. Great one here..i really like the words and the flow. Wonderful as usual! Keep posting

*dq

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-07-22 12:25 PM

nice work JDR... just like old times.

It's really great to read something from you again.
This in particular, very good theme you chose. Flow minus meter was always your specialty, I still haven't quite figured that out. It must be the magic that is jeremydraul.

Personally however, I didn't think it ended quite like it could have. Seemed to trail off a bit unfinally.
Other than that, I must say this is a very impressive work, which underlines all we've been missing.
Nice to have you back.
~Allan

Blood Moon
Host: lark.crodo.com
Port: 1313

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

7 posted 2001-07-22 01:08 PM

SOOOOOOO glad to see you back!

I really like this piece. The symbolism is great and I really like how it flows. It is quite difficult to realize that you can't put something in your past together again, but all you can really do is look towards the future. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

8 posted 2001-07-23 10:59 AM

Hello stranger.

Indeed it is good to be seeing you around here again. Your presence has been missed. This is a sad piece and you deliver straight to the heart as per usual. Here is the type of poetry that has been missing from our pages. Hopefully you can stick around a little longer and write a few more pieces to add to the already huge 'Jeremy' library that I have going here.

Thanks for the read. It was quite good.

~AF~

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.
~ Christian Nevell Bovee ~

DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

9 posted 2001-07-23 11:05 AM

Wow is one of the many words I can use to express this, its amazing how its all put into words so beautifuly... I look forward to seeing more like this. /Nick/

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

10 posted 2001-07-23 02:45 PM

I like this one jeremy. I think you did very good on this one. The last stanza was very nice.Keep 'em coming
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

11 posted 2001-07-23 02:57 PM

very very nice poem man.
i liked the last stanza...

"I have no never-again, I have no always"
Pablo Nerudo

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

12 posted 2001-07-24 01:42 AM

I thought this was nice. I liked it Jer. Nice to see you posting again.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

13 posted 2001-07-28 07:38 PM

Good to see you back!! It's nice to see your name in the forum pages once more

I really enjoyed this. The use of symbolism was fantastic! The flow was VERY well done. As Allan said, flow without meter is always difficult to write, but you always seem to master that one tactic that makes a poem wonderful. The meaning behind the words is really impressive. Beautiful, deep thoughts, and the images you conjure up are fantastic. All in all, a wonderful read, and an awesome write. VERY nicely done

I hope to see more... soon!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 07-28-2001).]

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