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Teen Poetry #5
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Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2001-07-20 08:20 AM


Love is captured within heartaches
That will keep you blind
Till you think it’s a mistake
Think that you told a lie.
Emotions ain’t to be played with
It will make you cry
Feeling you’re about to give
Up all in denial.

It has been taking for granted
Everything you gave away
All your love’s been abandoned
Like night curses day.
Spiritual rushes played sensitive
Digging for lies
Feeling you’re about to give
Up all in denial.

I know there’s nothing,
I can say or do,
That can make you,
Feel much better,
But you deserve more,
than a whatever.
I confess there’s more,
To it than that,
Irony plays it’s part,
Along the way,
So words ain’t,
Always what they say.

Feeling you’re about to give
Up all in denial.


© Copyright 2001 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
1 posted 2001-07-20 11:00 AM


This was very good work. there was alot of emotion.


Regina

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
2 posted 2001-07-20 04:33 PM


Man these forums move too fast. How did this get to the second page already?
Not my fav of your work- but I still liked it bunches. The only thing I'm gonna shake my finger to is this line.. "Emotions ain’t to be played with"  Don't say ain't!!!! Say aren't.
Other than that..haha I enjoyed it. Very well done.  

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2001-07-20 09:21 PM


This was wonderful!  The opening was my favorite part...
"Love is captured within heartaches
That will keep you blind
Till you think it’s a mistake
Think that you told a lie."
Love is very blind.  I agree with this 100%.  The ending was just as strong... the whole poem was well written!  WONDERFUL work, hallu.  I enjoyed this a lot.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-07-25 04:45 PM


I enjoyed this but disagree that all love is blind. I don't think that everything is blind. Anyhow, nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Shygirl82
Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245
Ilinois
5 posted 2001-07-25 04:51 PM


I thought this was great.  It was full of emotion, and beautifully written.  I have to agree with Dopey...I do not believe that all love is blind.  I thought this was great though and thanks for sharing!!!
~Nikki~

Hellseyes
Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 120
Kansas, USA
6 posted 2001-07-26 04:44 PM


thats good sh!t...do you see them in the bushes, red team go, red team go.../Drew/
Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-08-25 03:25 PM


amazing read.  
you did well Hallucination.
keep it up amd keep sharing
thanks for the read

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma

LoneWolf
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384
IL
8 posted 2001-08-26 12:53 PM


I liked this a lot. great job here.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

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