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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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untiled |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
Not sure if this will make any sense or what you'll think of it. I'm standing in line waiting for a heart. When did life come to this. I wonder. My heart was not marked not able to be fixed, more it just left my body one day. I think it flew away. ............. Emtyness is all that contains me now. All i am now is a emty body wondering aimlesly, slowly wasteing away. My place on earth..... useless. With the air around me turning sour, I feel my grip slipping. Soon I won't be able to hold on any longer. My life will slip through my eyes and i shall be no more. . . . . I will feel no remorse for what might have been. . . . . . I may have lived a thousand years. . . . . . . But I guess that shall never be. . . . . . . . As I lay here on the brink of my reality..... fate can only take you so far, the rest is up to you |
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| © Copyright 2001 Katie - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
 everytime i think im on the brink of reality it slips away from me again i liked this alot that empty feeling goes away too...so dont worry...just keep your head up and push foreward |
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Raven Skye Member
since 2001-03-03
Posts 112.In a House. |
wow...I liked this!! good job*×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×* |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I liked it, the beginning confused me a bit, but I got it towards the end. The last line is very powerful. Good job. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
This one was great. The entire thing was powerful, but the end line just made it better. I liked this one a lot. - Cody - |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
This was nice. The format was interesting but seemed to fit this poem well. good job. until next time.. |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
This was really good. I agree...the whole poem itself was very powerful...but it was the last line that jumped out at me. Great job and thanks for sharing! ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The ending was really cool. I think the format of this poem was well done. The way you had those long line breaks were really awesome to add effect. Nicely done.. I don't quite understand what you're saying here, but you did a very nice job just the same. I enjoyed this. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I agree - the last line was incredibly powerful. The spaces added a nice effect too. A truelly great free-verse. Thanks for the read. I enjoyed it. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
this is a really powerful poem..and i have to agree with the rest on the last line...it was really good ...i liked the fact that that you added "my" in there...it made it sort of more immeadiate and personal...nice touch kat ...another thing that i like about this is that you can take any part of the poem and read it as its own seperate entity...great stuff.. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
the format was awesome...very nice way of writing this out...and definitly the last line was VERY powerful...i liked it lots, Katie...bye  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Good work, i liked th eformat a bit of suspense for the next line. Good job Regina |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here. I liked the format. Well done!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
*applauds* Your way of ending the poem made it spectacular. Thanks for the wonderful read hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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