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Beautiful
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Beautiful |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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Soft lips kiss mine wrap me in your arms hold me and please don't ever let go. playing with my hair you say "You're beautiful why don't you see it?" I shrug and shake my head why should I, of all people, be beautiful? What has lead you to believe that I, me, yes, invisible old me, could be beautiful? You sigh and I plead with you with my eyes, letting you know that I'm not convinced, nor will I ever be. You tell me my eyes are the best you've ever seen, my lips are soft, my hair is gorgeous. Somehow I seem to be wonderful to you. Beautiful, you say, although I won't believe it. I listen to your heart feel the rhythm of your breathing, run my fingers slowly through your hair and touch your face with the palm of my hand. A smile plays on your lips as I trace the outline of them with the tip of my finger And you kiss me. I've never seen you on the streets of this town, I've never seen you just hanging around, But you still tell me that you know me... ~Justin Sane [This message has been edited by Allysa (08-13-2002 09:47 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jenabou Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 215Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA |
This poem is...beautiful! I know how great it is to having something this special with someone  great job *for someone who's used to heartache,losing it all was just a matter of time* |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Normally I am confident in my looks, but not in my worth as a girlfriend. They could tell me over and over how great I was, but I'd still be thinking "Are you insane?". I guess in some way or another we all feel this kind of strong lacking and utter distaste for ourselves. Beauty however is determined not by merely your looks. It is determined by you. I think you're beautiful. Good poem. Very much enjoyed. I like the way it moves along like a story. How you describe the scene yet it seems far away and what is "up close and personal" is your own thoughts and self-doubt. I think this really gives the poem a weight of emotion that I'm sure you were going for... and if you're not.. you got it anyway. I'm married to Mr.Metaphor. We make love everyday. [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (08-13-2002 03:17 PM).] |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Thank you both very very much. |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
WOW!! amazing work i love it. kinda twists at the end i like that. robin you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hey, yeah i do agree with dark enchantress that many people feel this way, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. i loved how even how your poem is a bit on the long side, the reader doesn't get bored. i think the short lines added something to this. i enjoyed the words themselves, none really seem overused or anything. it is a very sensual piece, and i enjoyed it. -bergundy- maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio- |
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