Broken Dreams - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

0 posted 2002-02-25 05:11 PM

She was all alone,
her actions till now she didn't condone.
Runaway for a time,
she wished to undo her crime.
Home she wished to go;
walking was far to slow...
waiting for a smile,
mile after mile.
She turns as it slows,
feeling her frostbit toes.
The car pulls close as a pup,
she says 'hello, what's up?'
He invites her in,
kind as a next of kin.
As he breaks the silience with his talk,
she now is grateful not to walk.
She's thankful for all his kindness,
for all his lovely sweetness.
It's dark out now, all around,
no one will hear a sound.
He pulls her to the ground,
soon she is bound.
Her virginity has vanished,
happiness now banished.
She crawls along the rocks,
her tears he cruely mocks.
Soon she is no more,
evil sunk unto his core.
Do we hear her cries?
Let's see through all our lies.
She is now Miss Jane Doe,
victim of what evil soes.
Oh society, I scream!
See another broken dream.
Reach out, be kind,
and spread the sublime.

2/23/02

The One, The Only... The Titus.

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

1 posted 2002-02-25 05:50 PM

You've achieved what no other have done onto me with their poetry..hehe wait I rhymed didn't mean too..you chilled my bones, painted a picture so clear..I'm going to cry..in other words, it was good..

Love,
Kris

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

2 posted 2002-02-25 05:53 PM

ummm.....what she said....

Seriously, you used great imagery, and did an excellent job getting your point across...

Wow...

~LCBS

Exeryone makes mistake, learn from them and move on, because tomorrow we'll make more...

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

3 posted 2002-02-25 06:09 PM

Wow, Kris, thanks you!

Thank you so much the compliments. I'll email you momentarily, girl.

And, LCBS, thank you, as well. I appreciate your taking the time to reply.

Sincerely,
The Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (02-25-2002 06:09 PM).]

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

4 posted 2002-02-25 06:18 PM

Extremely image and thought provoking....good work!

~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~
~*~I say it is the written word.~*~

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2002-02-25 07:09 PM

Nicely done ti my love

Flowed nicely..great piece

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

gracianna
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 165
A 14 year hell

6 posted 2002-02-25 08:15 PM

Wow...that was very sad, but very true...you have a great gift.

I give a whole new meaning to the word 'sad.'

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

7 posted 2002-02-26 04:50 PM

Thank you, you two.

Sincerely,
The Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

8 posted 2002-03-01 01:50 PM

Hey The Titus, I guess I never saw this one when you posted it,
very good, indeed. yes, and I agree, it was a chilling poem, the effect was very real. again, wicked job!
oh yeah, I don't know how to use this email stuff on here

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

9 posted 2002-03-01 07:01 PM

Meaning you need my email? MtBikerGoneMad@aol.com

Or meaning email on your computer? If so, poor fellow!

Thanks, by the way. I'm glad it's having an affect on those that read it.

~ Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

10 posted 2002-03-02 07:23 PM

Hey...great! I'm sorry I put reading this one off! It was almost Adam-ish of you to write this! But you did quite the job here! Thanks for posting!

Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth...

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

11 posted 2002-03-03 05:08 PM

I seriously enjoyed the imagery you used when writing this poem although I kind of felt that it was spoilt by the use of rhyme. Also you meter was out and it seemed very cumbersome and in parts it felt difficult to read, this is however only my opinion and who says I'm right. Thanks for sharing it with us and hope to read more of your work soon.

If you see this message I have just replied to your poem. I have poems as well *hint*

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

12 posted 2002-03-03 06:38 PM

Thanks Alex.

Hey Zu; Care to take a stap at editing it, and sending me your suggested changes via email? I would love to see what you recommend, my friend.

Let me know.

~ Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

13 posted 2002-03-03 11:08 PM

I must agree with Zu, Ti. The rhyming did seem to take away from it. Freestyle would allow you to paint the already vivid picture even clearer. But it's your poem, and who am I to say that I am the greatest? Even though we all know I am

Speaking of poems, don't you have to send me something so I can redo that last stanza that you had a problem with?

(<>..<>)

Fred says: "I want to kees you... I want to biiite you..."

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

14 posted 2002-03-04 04:30 AM

I'll pull out a few pointers Ti but really I can't do anything to it as it is your poem. I'll try sending you something later

If you see this message I have just replied to your poem. I have poems as well *hint*

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

15 posted 2002-03-04 04:39 AM

hey hun great piece gave me goosebumps!!! what an awful place thae world is now but yet there are still some good people out there.love ya!
robin

i am me don't tell me different!!
JEFF IS ONE HOT STUD *RAWR*
i want him *DROOLZ*
dam hes hott!!!

-Queth-
Junior Member

since 2002-02-10

Posts 35
Canada

16 posted 2002-03-04 09:37 PM

-PoetryIsLife-

I have to say, this is a very realistic piece, and I'm very impressed with it! It's so beautifully worded in a simple, but good manner, and the rhyming was well done! The meter was sometimes a bit off, but for this piece, it didn't really matter. I thoroughly enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing! -smiles-

Q.u.e.t.h.

Everything in between...

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

17 posted 2002-03-04 11:22 PM

Wander around a bit and here I am... just thought I'd see what you're up to poetically. I can see its something wonderful.

*sighs* This subject kills me every time I come across it... having been there before... and in some vague sense... many times. Sometimes it's difficult to understand this when you have not personally endured it, but you definitely hit it right on target. I loved this very much and I wish that "she" - meaning anyone anywhere to have lived through such a horrific event - will find her strength and peace. Thank you.

Love,
Me

-- the calm before the storm --

jaimespoetry.blogspot.com

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

18 posted 2002-03-05 02:22 PM

What cna I say everyone, but thank you? I appreciate your time, comments, and encouragement beyond words. Again, much thanks.

Q.u.e.t.h., Sky, Robin, thanks. While I can see this peom could use a bit of work, I'm glad it moved you, or at least, that you were able to enjoy it. Oh, and Sky, I'll try and find it. I think I might know where it is....

We do have something going there.... Freestyle? I used the ryhme to bring it in, keep it under control. *ponders* Hrmm... something to think about.

Yoda, thank you! I miss you. I too hope anyone who has gone through such a tormentful time will find strength perhaps in this... I wrote it for them, I wrote it for society. My hearts breaks for them.

~ Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

Let the music set you free.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

19 posted 2002-03-09 01:21 PM

I could have sworn that I replied to this...

Anyway, wow Ti! Excellent job at portraying the pure evil that lurks in this world. This is far too common but it'll never end but the bad things don't stop. It's only the good things that do.

I have to agree with the others that said this but it would be really great as a freestyle poem. It has the makings of a truly kick ass piece and I think that if you take it apart bit by bit, you could have a masterpiece here.

So far, it's great and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for posting.

~AF~

::Most people never listen::
Ernest Hemingway

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

20 posted 2002-03-09 02:10 PM

Very realistic and sad.
Sometimes society really irks me...(understatement of the year)
Nice work here.

Jenn

"You are the strength, that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting."

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

21 posted 2002-03-09 05:43 PM

Titus.... I'm still waiting....

Just don't fall in love with me and no one will get hurt

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

22 posted 2002-03-09 11:17 PM

Wow! This was a really good poem..scary how things like that can happen...

~*~Never take anything for granted~*~

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

23 posted 2002-03-09 11:37 PM

Hard core poem. Very sad. It was excellent. It really said alot.
Jon

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.