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Miracle
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Miracle |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA 
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Starlight serenade Tears beginning to ripen Into sweet lemonade Lingering upon my lips Clinging onto my fingertips Questions forming Pulsing through my veins Swearing that I can hear him Echoing out my name Radio frequency Playing tricks with my memory As I lie here in an empty room And an empty bed No one knows how much I ache Just to be able to get close To someone tonight This feeling Reoccuring like a bad dream Heart ripping, bursting at the seams It upsets me so Yet I know, in time I won't be inhaling the faint fumes That he left behind much longer For I know The sun awaitens to dry my tears And it's bright rays Ready and willing to give me the strength To go on, to move forward And to be able to face a brand new day So whats the sense to give in To give up When I know it's a living miracle That I'm able to walk away With my sanity in tact And not once turning my back... [This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (02-16-2002 01:17 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kristen Brandon - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hey, Kristen  It's no lie when I say that I've missed reading your poetry. What would draw me back towards this place... kismet, perhaps? Really, who knows?  I gather a lot of emotional content from this poem, but of course that's a no-brainer. There are a lot of different feelings expressed, a veritable bouquet... You employ positive imagery, such as "starlight seranade" and "sweet lemonade," in description of negative emotion. I love when people do that, it's such an awesome poetic device. Beyond this you make "questions forming, pulsing through my veins." Again, just incredible poetic form here...! You physicalize the questions and give them life, as though they are substance. One thing that snagged me was "radio frequency, playing tricks with my memory." I couldn't quite pinpoint the meaning of that, because it has a few possibilities. Could you clarify it for me? Invention of words is well done in this poem... "reoccuring" instead of "recurring" puts emphasis on the "occuring" portion of it. "Awaitens" instead of "awaits" or "awakens" is also nicely done... "I won't be inhaling the faint fumes." Ooh... another line that stands out. I know it's simple in its purpose, but it's still a well done line. This makes a great transition from feelings of pain into feelings of hope. So whats the sense to give in To give up When I know it's a living miracle That I'm able to walk away With my sanity in tact And not once turning my back... Strong ending... what a note to end on. You briefly linger on the "hope" portion of the poem, then with "So what's the sense to give in" you move into a more profound feeling of renewed strength and confidence (at least, that's what I gather) and vow not to turn your back again. The reason that I really love this poem is that it's almost narrative, but personal and deeply emotional. It almost seems like a monologue, actually. Nice seeing you again, Kristen. And I hope that all is well with you. ~Allan The time for books is over. Create your own philosophy. |
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-Queth- Junior Member
since 2002-02-10
Posts 35Canada |
My, my, looks like Allan Riverwood did a number on this one. -wink- I thought this was beautifully written, especially the first three lines, which I thought were exquisite: {Starlight serenade Tears beginning to ripen Into sweet lemonade} Very nicely done. It flowed almost like a song. -smile- Keep it up! Q.u.e.t.h. Everything in between... |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
"As I lie here in an empty room And an empty bed No one knows how much I ache Just to be able to get close To someone tonight This feeling Reoccuring like a bad dream Heart ripping, bursting at the seams It upsets me so" That part hit home so hard with me...::hugs:: mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo" |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
You certainly wrote a very emotion piece of poetry here, and it is simply brilliant. Your imagery was great and I'm keeping it in the library! Keep it up fo sho! "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
My heart is actually beating within my chest, thank you for the surprising replies and yes they were quite surprising!!! actually I had to pick up my jaw off the floor at work when I checked it out!!! you honestly don't know how much it meant to me to be able to write this poem, and the radio frequency does play with my memory, it always takes us back with a certain song doesn't it? hauntingly insane at times how it can pick up our thoughts and then toy with them with a simple song...or play on the radio out of the blue..hehe it's a conspiracy and Queth thank you, also, I actually wish I were able to write a song but I guess this is as close as I'll get..hehe I guess I'll never be another John Lennon Kristen |
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gracianna Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 165A 14 year hell |
great word choice and use of sensory images. I give a whole new meaning to the word 'sad.' |
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C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
"Starlight serenade Tears beginning to ripen Into sweet lemonade Lingering upon my lips Clinging onto my fingertips" PURE GOLD. simple as that. |
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