Through my car window [city streets]

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chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-10-23 11:21 PM

A glaring light intoxicates my front-seat window
As streets pass by, obscured by sight,
Obscured by fate.
Crowds gather in front of windows, watching,
Wishing, captivated...
But none gather outside of mine.
A seemingly poet sits upon a bench outside
As he turns the pages within his book,
Writing frantically, then stopping,
Dreaming, perhaps.
Of what? I could never imagine,
Yet something tells me...
Could he be me?
Behind him, a child walks beside her mother
Hand in hand, unafraid of the world,
A pleasant scene within a busy street.
Her eyes appeared to look into mine,
Only looking at my soul.
And smiling, she faded into the people she would become...

Leaving me breathless as the light turned green.

+ + + + +
*waves* Hiya! Just another view of car window madness...Look at Fozzy's!!! *points at Ozzy*

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

1 posted 2001-10-23 11:32 PM

Hey Leah, I don't know what it is about this one, but I like it! Maybe the way you actually placed me inside the poem... I could actually picture what I was reading! Right on!

It takes more work to love myself than to love others... I guess that explains it, eh?

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

2 posted 2001-10-23 11:35 PM

he's me chicka

...i can picture the scene very well in my head leah- you did a wonderful job of painting it in my head. great poem- if not for that, then the fact that it was written by you

keep writing, poet....

"......",said the wise mute.

Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-10-24 05:14 PM

"Crowds gather in front of windows, watching,
Wishing, captivated...
But none gather outside of mine"

These are some powerfull lines

And smiling, she faded into the people she would become...

Great poem, I loved the way you describe the things that can happen in such a small period of time. Very well done.

-C.M.

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

4 posted 2001-10-24 11:39 PM

Wow, i was there. I love the way you described the changing of the light. Sometimes I feel the same way. I wish I had something constructive to say, but I don't. Alas. Very well I shall reply with "excellent post".

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-10-26 01:55 PM

This was very interesting, nothing like i've ever read from you....great job!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-10-27 01:26 AM

Hey my little fajita!

Another great piece from you. How on earth do you do this? I love the depth and how you've twisted the scene around. I've got a lot out of this that I really can't be bothered putting down here but just know it's in the library.

Well done and keep writing.

~AF~

Maybe I'm just a girl...interrupted.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

7 posted 2001-10-29 11:48 AM

Very, very good. I absolutely loved how you brought us into a few quick yet powerful moments! It was like we were given a glimps into your world. Maybe it's ours? Eh? lol

Few thoughts before I go...
"A seemingly poet" caused me to stumble as I was reading. Any way you could find a smoother word? Or is it just me?

Crowds gather in front of windows, watching,
Wishing, captivated...

I got the poem except for these two lines. What were you trying to imply? I'm very curious, so I'd love to know.

That we all at one point or anythign wish we were someone else for just a moment, or a lifetime?

Tiptop eddy. Tiptop.

Sincerely,
Titus

"Old Men Love While Young Men Die" Kipling

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

8 posted 2001-10-29 02:33 PM

that's really good Leah!! I liked it, I loved it, and..yeah, lol. but anyway, it was awesome. it's going in my library!!

~*~I'm in love with a man named ZU~*~ *huggles Krissy*

Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

9 posted 2001-10-29 06:35 PM

wonderful imagery! i can picture the scene like i am seeing it myself!

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