Teen Poetry #5 |
Alone |
Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
I was walking alone in the dark I heard a rustle in the bushes I looked over but saw nothing I kept walking, with an extra step Hoping to get to me destination much faster I heard the rustle again I didn't look back Afraid of what might happen My friend didn't want to walk me back that night It seemed to be getting darker by the second I kept walking I heard something behind me As I felt it jump as if it were going to grab me I screamed I jumped up to find myself In my bed safe This was obviously a dream, tell me what you think about this piece. "True friends stab you in the front." |
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© Copyright 2001 Michelle Y. Plocinik - All Rights Reserved | |||
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
hey michelle i thought you had the content bit down to par- with it being a dream and you waking up in the end, but i felt that there should have been more. do you know what i mean? dream poems come to some drematic climax and end pretty quickly. they often leave the reader feeling like an incompleate gingerbread man- with only one leg or arm. youre on the right track, but i think you should put more emotion into the first part- more fear and anxiety. this will help the read in realting to your emotions. lengthen the poem a bit too- by lengthening the poem youre able to really capture the reader and draw them into the poem- which is what i beleive you should do to make this a kick ass piece. enjoyed the read chel, thanks for sharing this piece f t e |
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NathanS Member
since 2001-09-27
Posts 106CA |
Wow, this was a good poem I really liked the ending, its a short story poem thing but very cool, nice style *grinz w/applause* very well done. -Dreys |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
Excellent expressed.....glad it was only a bad dream. Charisma |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Dream like that scare me so much but its nice to wake up and realize its a dream..what a relief!! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Holy suspense, batman! I really like the way you did this one! As I got closer to the end I kept speeding up! Had to read it again cause I sped up so much! What's that called? Something about the climax? Woah... dude! If you define cowardice as running away, tripping and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward. |
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Honey Member
since 2001-10-09
Posts 92Hot girl From Canada |
I found this peice to be quite interesting. At first I thought something bad was going to happen but it was all just a dream thank god for that. It Feels As If I've Always Been Someone On The Outside Looking In. |
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