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Strength
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Strength |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA 
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Crumbling fortesses Seen within my eyes Bitter sweet tears Fall from the stark sky I finally let you go It was your time No longer bound To this prison of lies My soul aches For what you have done I thought you would forever be my confident No longer Will your sweet voice Echo thru these chamber walls No longer will you make my soul crumble and fall And no longer Will I be upon my knees Begging God to grant your wretched soul mercy "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kristen Brandon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Missthang Member
since 2001-07-03
Posts 103 |
wow, i like it. it contains a lot of emotion. may i ask what was the reason behind you writing this one. i'm a bit confused about why you had to let her go (if you understand me). but good job! *The heart is a house for love* |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Ohhh, ouch. especially the last part "And no longer Will I be upon my knees Begging God to grant your wretched soul mercy" Good expression, keep it up! If you define cowardice as running away, tripping and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward. |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
*whistles* Pretty bitter poem we have on our hands here... you could almost feel the ending coming from the onset. ^^ Lots of dark bitterness put into this poem, and yet at the same time, it's one of those poems that doesn't wrench and tear your heart out but rather tears it out delicately and serves it on a silver platter at the very end. I love the effect here... I think you did a good job with this one. You might want to consider changing 'confident' to 'confidant' since I *think* that's the word that you were aiming for. And the word "through" should be spelled out entirely... o.o; I'm not sure whatever effect you were trying when you spelled it "thru," but the poem stopped at that point and the entire line died because of the spelling. Beyond that, I don't think there's anything I can say... this poem was total awesomeness in the emotions it portrayed and really is something that's easy to sympathize with, as well as something that provides lots of shock effect and internal reflection. ^_^ *thumbs up* Thanks for the read. - holatuwol |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Very well expressed. I hope things work out for you.  Jenn "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I'm sorry to see you go thru this I'm just glad you know when to let go Thanks for sharing là où est mon amour? |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
"Will I be upon my knees Begging God to grant your wretched soul mercy" WOW. this a VERY bitter poem with beautiful emotion protrayal. me likes. Hey...#25437 |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WHoa...im not at all shur what to say to this poem..it was unbelievable!!! Bitter sweet... ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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prov1717 Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74NE |
excellent!! i like it. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
"And no longer Will I be upon my knees Begging God to grant your wretched soul mercy" Wow... that ending blew me away. Very intersting. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. No one deserves it. I hope things look up for you soon. Well done! --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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