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XFalloutX
Junior Member

since 2001-05-13

Posts 31
NC

0 posted 2001-10-17 09:34 PM

My world grows darker everyday
Thoughts clouding my mind
My heart broken once to many
To many to piece back together
My life not worth living
Wasted away in dreams
Dreams of how I wish things could be
How I wish I could be happy
But it’s all just a dream

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-10-17 10:27 PM

heartfelt and quite powerful...that one hit home...well done.

=)

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2001-10-18 05:39 AM

Yeah I agree with lizzy, a very powerful poem
thank you for sharing with us

Andrew

"Ph33r Me I eat N00bies Ph0R bReakFAsT"
- Replying might be your only hope of getting noticed -

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

3 posted 2001-10-18 10:26 AM

Sometimes it feels like all the things i wish there to be are only dreams and never can be reality...good job ::hugs::

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

4 posted 2001-10-18 06:58 PM

lots of feeling in this one. i know exactly where you're coming from.

a little suggestion.

maybe you could use some punctuation, this piece needs it. especially before the last line 'but it's all just a dream'.

also, when using the word too [as in too many], it needs that extra o [instead of to].

other than that i enjoyed it.

thanks for sharing.

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

5 posted 2001-10-18 07:30 PM

Some dreams suck, huh? oO;
*sigh* I hope you feel better soon, hon. *hug* Don't let evil girls and monsters get at you...you're stronger than they are. ^_^
Keep up the good work!

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

6 posted 2001-11-19 10:17 PM

i really like your work (had to look this one up) this was very powerful please keep writing

*!~!* Andrea *!~!*

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

7 posted 2001-11-20 04:37 PM

Well done dude...

Good luck making your 'good' dreams reality!

Sincerely,
Titus

Salooma
Senior Member

since 2000-01-28

Posts 781

8 posted 2001-11-20 06:48 PM

Short and to the point...I like that.
But throughout each line, truely, i kept thinking that was me and it still kind of is. Wow. You certainly put it in words better than I have before.

Email me if you ever want to talk: salamook85@yahoo.com

Salma Khaleq

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