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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Glared blue from scathing coals The midnight of the moon inspired The wind of passing souls. The trickl'ing mist upon the ground Did melt the biting frost Posessed by eyes of twilight found And skies of starlight lost. The earthen thought did tread among The heart of forests green Yet somewhere far beyond, a song Was sung, but lips unseen. A scarlet rose among the thorns Did prick a blushing hand And bleed, it did, the skin adorned With red and crimson bands. The sands that clothed the world in gold Were wasted, faded dreams And love was lost, and hate behold The tears of one was seen. So light be gone, and dark ignite The eyes that watched afar For skies and stars are there to spite The hopes and dreams we are. + + + + + Well, another poem has come and gone...Not much to say about this except that it was a pain in the neck. Well, enjoy this evil poem... ++ Leah ++ Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... [This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 10-13-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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NathanS Member
since 2001-09-27
Posts 106CA |
I am not one that generally goes for "evil poems" but you did an excelent job on this poem  Thanks for the read! -Dreys The cow jumped over the moon, and i held onto his tail |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Evil? I thought it was good... Maybe I got a different interpretation (nice spelling, hey?), but I did like it! How come everyone can rhyme but me? If you define cowardice as running away, tripping and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward. |
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Knight of Secrecy Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Cool poem, nice words used in it. |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
This right here, is an amazing poem... *the chains which once held us are only the chains which we've made* |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
rym and way you discribed and written such images...it was dream-like esp with the entire piece in italics...thanks for the journey through Leahs mind...LOL. [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 10-15-2001).] |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
WOW |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
mmmmmmmm yum. best read so far today. good job. - jen so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
"... And so the world troubles themselves over what to say about nothing ..." Hee! Now there's a quote which seemed to fit the poem in terms of mood, at least... a little bit dark and pessimistic on the outlook, but it seemed more like painting dark images than experiencing them, which made it less dark and more pretty. Does that make sense? Eh! It doesn't need to make sense. The poem seemed to drift a lot and had the appearance of talking about nothing, but the images painted were so pretty, it really doesn't need to make any amount of sense or anything because it seemed like the main idea was to paint something in the minds of the reader, which it did extremely well with really pretty choices of words which really made the poem stand out. The ending of the poem has the same feel as the rest of the poem... low key, image painting, but it seemed conclusive in the way that it leaves the reader unsatisfied and yet with the knowledge that it's over and there's definitely nothing that follows it no matter how incomplete it somehow feels. ^^ Certainty and uncertainty... it's as though paradoxes and dark images painted against light backgrounds is what makes this poem flow so well... albeit in a pseudo-cyclic fashion. And it's not a freakin' love poem... x_X; Dude, I swear, I'm getting so tired of the love poems that any poem which isn't oriented towards lovey-dovey mushiness gets major bonus points! ^_^ Keep on writing, Leah. This piece was a definite keeper and painted some really memorable images that will stick in your mind for some time to come, especially the one in the first stanza with the flame and the coal (my favorite part next to the sugoi ending). Anyhows, until next time, catch you later on AIM. hehehe ^_^v Ja! - holatuwol |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
A scarlet rose among the thorns Did prick a blushing hand And bleed, it did, the skin adorned With red and crimson bands. Yowza  what a great stanza, but then again, its a great poem. You have such a unique talent for rhyming."and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great work, I really enjoyed the read this is my favourite of yours so far one for the library me thinks Andrew "Ph33r Me I eat N00bies Ph0R bReakFAsT" |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
NathanS/Dreys: It's not evil in the sense of the content being evil...it's more like...evil because it was a pain in the butt to write...Bah. Thanks for reading, though! ^^ Glad you enjoyed it! Skyfire: "interpretation"? I would've spelled it that way too...hmmm...*throws a dictionary at people who are good at spelling* FOR SHAME!!! ^^ And you can rhyme! It just takes evil practice... Knight of Secrecy: Glad you liked the words...but the "nice words" were the only reason why I couldn't get this done. silvrduck: Which way is right? oO; hehe...thanks for commenting! ^^ Albish Einstein: Dream? More so than not. Journey through my mind? Hehe...did you bring a barf bucket? LOL. And thank YOU for your encouragement...from beginning...to end... AngelPoet87: That's what I said too, when I saw all the cookies on the kitchen table...^_^ hehe. Thanks for stopping by! quietlydying: And that's what I said after I ate them all...hehe. Best one you read so far? I wish...I still need a bit more work, but thank you. ^__^ MC: lol, your replies are always so long! ^^; I didn't know you were so fond of my critique message, hehe. Yes, it was drifty, but I have problems sticking to one plot line throughout. Then again...I am all over the place. I'll have to work on that. You have a thing for the word "pretty", lol. Just like my thing for the word "cute". oO; And nothing needs to make sense! If everything in this world made sense, well...you wouldn't be trying to take over the world, and I wouldn't have my TI-89 (and I'd be passing grade 10 math...o_O  Know what? You picked up on things I never would have picked up from my own poems...yeesh you. lol. And yes, it's not a love poem. Glad you figured that one out, eh? ^_^ Sugoi? What? oO; You and your words...lol. Thanks for your encouragement, comments, and your sense of humour! Always a pleasure talking to you! FozzySean: Yowza, eh? lol...I only see that word in comics. ^_^ But nonetheless, I'm greatful to you, as well as to everyone else for commenting on my "stuff". Thank you for your presence at PIP, and for your admiration and encouragement...they will not go to waste. ^_^ ScoobyZu: As it is an enjoyment for you to read my pieces, it is my enjoyment to read yours as well. Thanks for reading! ^_^ (Libraries rool) |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
"The burning of a flaming fire Glared blue from scathing coals The midnight of the moon inspired The wind of passing souls." i absoluetly loved how this poem flowed and sounded! The way you describe things were chilling...i loved it! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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baby0508 Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 58Moodus, Connecticut |
That was a really well worded poem..great job. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Wow Leah! This is great. By far one of the best pieces you have written. The last stanza was simply outstanding. It brought everything together well and leave enough space for thought. I couldn't help but agree with it. That is why they are there. Damn them. Keep these great writes coming. I look forward to each and every one of them. ~AF~ Maybe I'm just a girl...interupted. [This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 10-20-2001).] |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I want your brain  là où est mon amour? |
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