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Teen Poetry #5
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This love
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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This love |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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This love is outrageous! I rage! Without patience, I rip open (my cage) my ribcage, and whistling, tear my heart to pieces. It’s ripe,-- on each piece, her initials are inscribed. And shameless, my eyes wander endlessly from N to T. Submersed in thought, destiny traces the road from New York to Toronto with a pencil. Check out my poetry here: |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
The way this was wrote was really kewl. Nicely done. ~*Freedom Is Not Free*~ (Korean War Memorial) |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
interetsing...i enjoyed the read...bye  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I can't say I understand this... Are you talking about heartbreak where she's just moved on, but forever left an imprint in your heart, or is it talking about her hurting you, carving her name into your soul to never forget? Nevertheless, this is an awesome poem, even though it did go over my head a little. I loved the last few lines about tracing the road with a pencil.. very powerful. The format that's used, and the style of the lines and rhyme scheme is outstanding... this was excellent. A piece to be proud of. Nice work, Master. I really enjoyed this. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Very interesting poem. I loved the format. Keep posting.  |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Fading, the explanation is there if you look closer... They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but this is what I had in mind when I wrote this: Unable to quiet down his love, a man rips open his ribcage (note the stress on "cage" and the inner rhyme of "rips" and "rib") and tears his heart into pieces. Her initials inscribed on his heart reveal to him that she is his only true love (also, supposed to evoke the image of initials carved on a tree.) When he realizes that she's the one, he packs his things and goes to Toronto... (true story, I just came back yesterday). (Also note, "N to T" and "New York to Toronto"). There is a lot of inner rhyme in the poem and a lot of similar sounds that help it flow smoother... Read it aloud and you'll hear it better! Oh, one more thing: the last line "destiny traces the road.... with a pencil" should also evoke a poet trying to close the gap between them with his pencil... [This message has been edited by Master (edited 07-02-2001).] |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
This is a very interesting piece. I like the format. The only thought that hits me is I am lost as of its meaning. You may want to tighten it up abit.(jmho) |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
Interesting poem with an interesting format... I liked it,though. - Cody - |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I'm with the others on this one. Good write. Rhonda  "Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardiel *insert hysterical laughter from me here* |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Gotcha, Master. I went back and read it word for word, and then altogether out loud. This is a very symbolic piece, and I loved it. VERY nice work!! And thanks for the explanation --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 07-03-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Loved the explanation. It really enhanced the poem for me. Awesome job...I really enjoyed this!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Your explanation has shed more light into it and has made the poem more enjoyable to read. Keep it up M. I always look forward to seeing your posts. hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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