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chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-06-23 05:00 PM

Woohoo, first post in #5...and it's unfinished:

A scarlet rose is dimmed to rust
And tears turn cold in time
Dreams have gone, they've turned to dust
A faint world undefined.

Stagnant trees, no wind does blow
Among the darkened sky
Angels fall from paradise
Without wings they cannot fly.

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2001-06-23 05:12 PM

Wow I really liked this Leah, I cannot wait to see this finished as from what I have seen it promises to be excellent

Andrew

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2001-06-23 05:20 PM

I like what you have so far......

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2001-06-23 06:41 PM

Ohhhhh good rhythm up until the last line...Awesome ideas and words in here though...awesome awesome....good luck in the end!

~Carly

"Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught..."
~Edouard Manet

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-06-23 06:48 PM

The flow in this piece is awesome! Very nice work, Leah. I enjoyed this bunches

I can't wait to see the finished product.. so hurry up and finish it

Good job.

--Marie

"Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising. So this old world must still be spinning 'round. And I still love you." –James T

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

5 posted 2001-06-23 07:08 PM

I dunno... the flow is really good but I'm obliged to say that the last line didn't flow particularily well. But hey, if it's unfinished there is room to polish it up.

Oh and please send me your photo! Please??

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

6 posted 2001-06-23 07:36 PM

I can't wait till the next bit!!!
Rhonda

"Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardeil *insert hysterical laughter from me here*

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2001-06-23 08:54 PM

Leah-
wow...i like this alot!

very good start...i can't
wait to see the finished product!

smiles,
~vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-06-24 12:07 PM

wow!...awesome start...i really cant wait to see the finished...and hey!...this was to me dark yet beautiful

...great job!...bye Deejay

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

9 posted 2001-06-24 01:33 AM

this is great so far.
hurry up and finish it!
katie

fate can only take you so far, the rest is up to you

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

10 posted 2001-06-24 03:48 PM

OMG!!! I can't wait to see the final piece. Make sure you tell me about it okay.....Am waiting for it

hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

11 posted 2001-06-24 03:58 PM

I can't wait either!

~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~
~*~I say it is the written word.~*~

[This message has been edited by FoxXena (edited 06-24-2001).]

obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

12 posted 2001-06-24 11:17 PM

hey, this is great! you have a great start here, or you could leave it as this. nice work!

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

13 posted 2001-06-25 05:16 AM

eh i disagree with allan (somebody has to lol) i think the last line is kool...just my opinion. this poem is gonna be kooly when it's done, u must post the final draft. thanks 4 the read.
-fear-

"I know the pieces fit cause i watched them fall away"--TooL

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

14 posted 2001-06-25 08:00 PM

Leah!! I'm an angel!!

<--see? heehee, so like, i like how this begins. it's awesome!! keep writing girlie!!!!!

I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem.

Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

15 posted 2001-06-26 11:49 PM

This poem looks like it's going to be an amazing poem. I really loved how it was written. Very lonely and eerie feeling I get from reading this. I think this poem will go somewhere nice.
Very nicely written Leah!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

16 posted 2001-06-29 11:39 AM

I have a feeling I read the ending first and then the beginning..lol.
Anyway, it reads beautifully. I'll go and look for the middle bit now.

~AF~

Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!!

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