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Open Poetry #14
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Adonis on Display....
| Open Poetry #14 |
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Adonis on Display.... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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(this came from a dream I had after a night of eating WAY too much Spam!) Last night there was a party by a wealthy friend of mine. We dined on grouse and caviar and sipped dry vintage wine. It was a mansion of a house, extravagance run wild And I confess I spent the evening smiling like a child. I circulated through the rooms, shook hands and said hellos, Exhanged small talk and anecdotes....quite ably, I suppose. I saw a group of ten or twelve men laughing at the bar And drifted over there to see what they were laughing for. The bar was quite magnificent - mahogany and pine With every liquor known to man arranged in one long line. Two lights were mounted on the wall...a red bulb in each one And, though I knew not why, these were the source of all the fun. Occasionally one light came on and I could hear men snicker The second that the bulb began producing its red flicker... Then, when the second light shone I heard laughter and guffaws Until at last the bar broke out in furious applause! I must admit I was confused at what was happening. All there were laughing wildly and I didn't see a thing! I asked a fellow sitting there whose cheeks had turned beet red From laughing so uproariously and this is what he said...... The Ladies Room was right there, only twenty feet away... Gold fixtures, crystal chandeliers, full luxury on display And in there stood a statue that was nearly six feet tall - A figure of Adonis standing on a pedestal. The figure stood there nude with just a tiny flap of hide That had been placed strategically to cover manly pride And, if by chance a lady were to lift that little flap, Unwittingly the girl had fallen headlong in the trap!! The flap was wired, you see, to light a red light at the bar If moved at all - and, if the lady really went too far And touched the male extremity that had been hid from view, The second light came on because that thing had been wired, too!!!  So there we all sat, watching ladies saunter down the hall Then fixed our eyes upon the two red light bulbs on the wall. If one came on, a grin would form and spread out long and wide And, if the second one lit up, we laughed until we cried!   The ladies would then exit, see us laughing over there And, acting prim and proper, give a disapproving stare  At drunken louts like us with nothing better left to do Than sit around and cackle...and they never really knew!  I know this may sound strange to you - perhaps a little callous To make fun of a lady just for fondling a phallus But I had never laughed so hard or so long in my life..... That is, until my buddy said, "Hey, Mike! Here comes your wife!" Oh, no!!!! What would she do?? My face took on a worried scowl. I cursed whatever fate had caused the movement of her bowel!  She entered through the doorway....I could feel my shoulders fall Then all there turned to watch the two redlights upon the wall. A minute passed...then two...then three and still no light came on!  My sweating stopped and I could feel my fear was almost gone When, all at once, one lit up with a devilish red hue Then, blazing like a siren, on came red light number two!!!    A cheer rose up around the bar! I gave a sickly grin As all there clapped me on the back to deepen my chagrin.  My wife walked out - looked over - saw me - smiled and waved hello...  How close I was to homicide that girl will never know!!!!!  Late that night, as we retired I heard a purring sound She always makes whenever she would like to fool around. Well, I am just a normal guy...may God have mercy on us! No way can mortal man compete with Greek gods like Adonis!!!  But she touched me so lovingly I, too, began to purr And made me feel god-like as I lie there next to her. There's been a new addition to my house from that day on...... A statue of Adonis standing out on my front lawn!   |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Your muse is in full-swing!! Kathleen Blake |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ROFLMAO....no baby...ya cant blame this one on SPAM.. it was all that grouse and caviar (yeck and bleck) and I KNOW Toe and Long John were there some where... LOL very clever and funny Balladeer... Love the ...AHEM..."IMAGERY" hahaha  |
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theLadypoet Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 97Or USA |
ROLF!!! Wonderful ballad. Next time I am in a room with a statue of anyone, I will remember this poem!! Must have been some spam! theLadypoet "A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water..." Eleanor Rooevelt |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Balladeer.....it wouldn't take a statue for me (LOL)Loved this..... you are so creative, I just love the way this flows perfectly while telling a fantastic story  you are the best! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Balladeer, You have a mind that will surely live after you. And it's been my pleasure to have known you. Sy |
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Red_Feather Member
since 2001-01-19
Posts 131The Vagabond Sea |
All that from spam....damn! One's not half two it's two are halves of one EE Cummings |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
LOL well I have my own ideas of just what you ate to get this heheheh....this is just too cute... |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Very funny! I could almost hear you, (check your email)! he he ~*~ Remember to tell someone today that you love them ~*~ |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
He he Balladeer I see you haven't lost your touch! I see you keep the statue out on the lawn....gooood thinkin!! |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
Webster's New World Dictionary: quote: Seems, Sir, that you befit your name quite well...but unknown authorship? We think not....this most certainly brands you as a balladeer of extreme measure! |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
lol!!!!come on, michael... tell the truth! was this really based on a dream? or is that just a cock & bull story! i bet this was based on reality!! i'm just kidding, sweet Poet... i do realize that poetry is just fiction most of the time, but did i ever tell you that i had a REAL experience quite similar to this only there was a chippendale dancer dude in the bathroom posing as Adonis and his skin was painted like a statue and everything and we all thought he WAS a statue at first, but he wasn't...!!! woohoo!!! we had so much fun that night.... hehe.... and anyway.... so... oh never mind...i'm lying.... THIS is a cock'n'bull story... it never happened but i can dream, can't i? *wink* umm.... the poem's great!!! (as usual)... i needed a good laugh this morning.. thank you!! |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
'Deer dear heart, utterly fabulous piece of writing, this has my laughing so much I nearly fell out of my....... chair. Absolutely outstanding, it certainly brought a point of interest to the powder room. Wonderful writing absolutely wonderful love as always Bubbles Take back the hope you gave,- I claim |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Just a fantastic read! I wonder if this grin will ever leave my face. Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. Philip Sidney (1554-1586) Loving in Truth |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
A lonely bed, no chance to purr But I still wear a grin Thanks to Deer One's spammy dreams And this tale he's penned! ROFL... been having fun in the red light district, hunh? (Sorry... had to throw that one in... in honor of absent friends *G*) This is great, Balladeer... enjoyed it much! |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
pretty cool yuh hehe made me blush yuh |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
I will have to remember no SPam late at night. Make you should switch to cheese. Thanks for the laugh, this was very funny. Enjoyed it a lot. "Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life". Terry Pratchett |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Hey I would worry if a woman didn't look...excellent writing...you are amazing...James |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I came back for another "peek"! This one I really, really like! ~*~ Remember to tell someone today that you love them ~*~ |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Rose...No, still on life-support...just occasional twitches JanetMarie..yeck and bleck indeed! Toe was the doorman and LJA parked the cars. I SAID it was a high-class joint! LadyPoet...hehe..yep, it was! A statue-esque portion SEA...you could bring even a statue to life! You are wonderful!! Sy..I hope so 'cause it sure ain't living with me! Same to you, my friend..Red_Feather..you should see what Vienna sausages do to me!! Paula...I'll bet you do!...and on a sesame seed bun Mysteria..I'll bet you could add a few nice verses very easily  ethome...no, I'm still as touched as always Yep, the birds love that perch!Decaflame..well, the handing down orally part interests me Doreen..sounds like a Chippendale off the old block! You would have no problem turning a man into a statue, I'm sure.. Glad I brought a smile....Marsha...I was going to make it a statue of a young boy but I didn't want to accuse any lady of statuatory rape Interloper..thank you for allowing me to put that grin there....very much suthern girl...LOL! Red light district indeed! I love it! Forget Toe...you're the one with the brains wayoutwalt...nice to see ya again...even blushing Brian...who KNOWS what cheese could bring? Thank you for enjoying...JamesMichael....EXACTLY! That wouldn't be a woman that would interest me! Very smart indeed..  |
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Dennis Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 235Indiana |
well, I love spam and I can't write like this, I really liked this a lot, great story teller you are! Dennis |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Oh, this is fantastic, my friend, Sir Balladeer.... Enjoy the way you bind all of us readers to the amazing writes... regards, sudhir |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
oh my..oh my.....you're a funny man deer....thanks for the good laugh. you are indeed the BEST my dear friend. ((warm hugs)) Charisma |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
ROFL ... Well, I see you're back, and in excellent "form" Michael, wonderful cadence and rhyme as always sweet poet (now excuse me ... I think I need to go do some shopping for some lawn ornaments, LOL.) Best wishes, /Kit |
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