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JamesBowie
Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 252
big old Bangor Maine up by the shack

0 posted 2001-04-01 12:04 PM

Her eyes clearly lied
while her words clotted
dead in her mouth

She has her friends
another lie about a guy
she hides from the light

just as she hides her face
and her sadness with laughter
just as easily, she lied to me

[This message has been edited by JamesBowie (edited 04-01-2001).]

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2001-04-01 12:48 PM

James--Some interesting images here..."her words clotted".. I liked that...and covering sadness with laughter, I guess that is a lie...or a sad truth.

Panne415
Member

since 2001-03-21

Posts 104
San Antonio

2 posted 2001-04-01 06:37 AM

Wow! James, nice tercets. I liked the idea and the clotted dead in her mouth - what a suberb line - superb sight to my mind - and sorted of a play on the word - clotted milk- clotted blood in her mouth - just very nicely done... So glad I stopped in here. Panne
P.S. What did Thumper say?

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2001-04-01 06:57 AM

yes, very nice phrasing. Enjoyed the images

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

4 posted 2001-04-01 09:45 AM

good phrasing, good use of imagery.
write on
Kethry

Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.

helen smith
Member

since 2001-03-12

Posts 240

5 posted 2001-04-01 05:11 PM

ohhhhhhhh wish I had said that clotted in her mouth superb

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant

since 2000-03-16

Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA

6 posted 2001-04-01 05:25 PM

Powerful words that leave a sting. Well done.

Lone Wolf

Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

7 posted 2001-04-01 05:36 PM

JAMES! I'll ask once again since the last time you popped up. (at least I think you've only just popped up) WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? Did you know that I've always liked your writing *Temptress hopes she's talking to the right James*

This was short, sad, and powerful. I like it.

We're sorry..this heart has been d-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t-e-d. Should you like to hold the line we'll be glad to reconnect you..

JamesBowie
Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 252
big old Bangor Maine up by the shack

8 posted 2001-04-02 09:29 PM

thank you guys
temptress- I just lost my time for a while, organic and biochem jumped on me along with a job that requires most of my time. I will try to keep with it though, don't want to lose my #1 fan J

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