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Dark Poetry #3
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Her Beating
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Her Beating |
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jenniferbrown New Member
since 2001-07-22
Posts 7 |
A blackened eye Her little lie A broken rib his little fib A bruised back the bags packed A broken nose the blood flows A broken wrist a chance missed Out the door Hit the floor Begging and pleading she gets her beating He goes to the bar and goes to far He starts to cry as she begins to die...  |
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| © Copyright 2001 jenniferbrown - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Kisses Member
since 2001-06-24
Posts 364Flat lands of Kansas |
Whoa!! Sad to say but I know how *she* feels. Good pattern though. And very well written. Welcome to Passions!  Mags Don't fear your tears! |
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DarkenedShadow Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114Kansas |
I'm relatively new to this and thanks for letting me know this world in touch. Beautiful work, it made me think... gave me a feeling of sorrow... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Needless to say some find themselves trapped in situations such as this... and the way out may seem like a maze but many have found the way...James |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Nice job of bringing the feeling through in this one. He starts to cry As she begins to die. (quoted this from memory so if it is incorrect I apologize.) It seems we never realize what it is that we are doing until it is to late to take it back. In this piece that seems to be the case. Tragic but well done. Marilyn |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
kuhl i like the beat of it--its kinda happy even though the poem was so dark & sadly i can relate--great work--welcome to DP--LOVE ELMO <3 |
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jenniferbrown New Member
since 2001-07-22
Posts 7 |
Thanks for all of your wonderful replies. Your constructive critisism is appreciated. This is dedicated to all those who live in this type of darkness. |
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Hellseyes Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 120Kansas, USA |
very well spoken..../Drew/ |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
Welcome to Passions!!  I really loved your poem. Your words were so simple yet strong. Powerful write.  [This message has been edited by Jessica (edited 07-31-2001).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Welcome to passions...domestic violence is a difficult issue but you painted a pretty stark portrait of the reality of it. Welcome to passions...check you e mail for a special greeting. |
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Alan Senior Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 1499right next door |
I like this but I don't like it. I love the way it is written you have done a great job. The part i don't like is what it is written about. It is a crying shame that this goes on. Sorry if I got carried away. IT is a wonderful write. alan |
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LadyPeach1 Member
since 2001-06-04
Posts 282 |
that was an awesome write. but it was so sad, but you wrote it so good! you are very good and you have a really nice talent and you should maybe look into publishing your work? GREAT JOB! Awesome first post! WELCOME TO PASSIONS! LadyPeach1 |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
Welcome! You've made a powerful entrance. "Let me pierce the realm of glamour |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
simple style and a powerful evoking... well written. |
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