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Dark Poetry #3
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Trickster
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Trickster |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
"Trickster" Wailing winter winds, Coyote hunts for prey, He finds little fresh blood, Hunger forces him to feed on carrion, Road killed rabbits, a few mice, Are the delicacies of necessity. Survival is his creed, Problem and solution are one. His needs are always met, For the trickster has become, An enduring fixture, Upon the landscape. He is a figment of legend. To some the devil in disguise, An ancient, evil, shape-shifter. He played a part in the creation, Deceiving mankind into accepting, our mortality. To others he is mentor, Spirit guide from a vision quest. Insight and cunning of the ages, He avoids the traps of time, Navigating and nourishing, Through communal carnage. Pilot of tribal souls, Hungering for fresh blood, Confession is their creed, Quickened from the tainted flesh, They howl across a cultural void, into poetic oblivion. |
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| © Copyright 2001 coyote - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
coyote ... this is a good piece, although there are some very cliche lines, but the ones that stand out as original (IMHO) are: "Are the delicacies of necessity" "Problem and solution are one" "They howl across a cultural void, into poetic oblivion." would have liked to have gotten a little more insight into this passage: "He played a part in the creation, Deceiving mankind into accepting, our mortality." good work |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks for the "darts", ma. Cliche is a very sharp word, but if it pricks the skin it must be true, no? All my stuff in recent postings, seems to really be a work in progress, I suppose this is no exception. lol I'm starting to conclude that I'm really not that good at poetic story telling. I think I'll try to clarify my affinity with this theme in a prose posting later. To answer your curiosity about the creation thing: Coyote is know in legend as a "trickster", one who takes many forms, and supposedly deceived the first humans or "People" into accepting mortality. Sort of an original Native American version of the Adam & Eve story. Handed down through the generations, long before the missionaries appeared here with theirs. Kinda makes ya wonder, doesn't it? Anyway, thanks for your thoughts, Your "humble opinion", as you put it, is highly valued and appreciated. I'll work on this one some more. |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
coyote ... thanks for the insight ... i had never heard or read that about coyotes ... i'll have to do a little more research ... and thanks for accepting constructive comments ... cliche is an ingrained part of speech and naturally comes through in our writings ... it's a battle i fight with myself in every piece i compose ... sometimes i just leave them in ... [This message has been edited by ma miller (edited 03-21-2001).] |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
He who welcomes naught from critic's pen, Knows no friendship, For truly he doth love himself, More than any friend. William S. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Just have to add something about cliches here...they are practically inescapable now aren't they... sometimes I think they can be made to look original though...I freak out if someone says something I have written (yup - I do write, I don't just lurk around here though it looks that way hehe) has anything remotely resembling a cliche... Honestly, in regards to your poem I would suggest that you change your first line - wailing wind is almost as cliched as blowing wind lol...  I like the style this is written in - resembling the transcribing of a myth into text... nice read coyote  K[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 03-22-2001).] |
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks Severn for your suggestions and comments, it means a lot. I have already changed th opening to: "In the Moon of Popping Trees" (January on the Plains Calendar) Whaddaya think? "The poet is the priest of the invisible." |
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