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Dark Poetry #3
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Forever returns (thanks Ron)
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Forever returns (thanks Ron) |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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Within white paper face of the clock, I hear forever returning again. I can't initial the sweep of hand before it changes again. Dry rattling measure, sure snake bones, slithering sliver-edged light. It stares from within white paper eyes. It writes. And writes. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
that it does my friend...that it does... nice mixed imagery of snake and clock... not easy to pull of ,ixed imagery and it make a tight statement, but you do it quite well. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
 Thank you. And thanks for letting me realize that I should take a second stab at Forever.I still like the original as a song. And actually, this second version has almost nothing to do with the first version. So ... hmmm ... thanks for the inspire anyway.  |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
big differences in poems and songs... not that they are mutually exclusive, but one can write either without it being the other. I in my blind stumblings..never even entertained the thought of the first being a song... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I realize that.But, as I told Lori in the Forever post, (to make matters easier to see where a lot of my poetry comes from: Lori is my girlfriend, best friends for six years, lovers for two, except that I live presently in California, she, in Calgary) Oops, that's a long interruption. Let's start that sentence again. But, as I told Lori in the Forever post, the song was actually better before I wrote it down. Sometimes I get flashes of inspire and melody, and it bursts out of me. I tried to gestate this one too long between driving to work and arriving. The song suffered as a result. It was originally quite good. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
then go find the original.... I am sure it is around if you strip the layers off the place you ended... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I might go back. But first, I should probably eat lunch, and then, um, do the work I'm paid for at this office. slow days? nah. fast typer. Mike |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I loved the poem...but? I have one question? HOW COME I'M NOT MAKING MONEY LIKE THE TWO OF YOU????  jeez... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
You live in New Orleans! Therefore, you win! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
 uh huh. Maybe I'll just ride a WAVE to Cali... |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Well Ser... my 2 am calls are not to write poetry... so I have to pace mytself. you know at my age, one can't be like a young bull and run down the hill... (chuckling) You can have my headaches when you want them, but as Mikey said... you live in New Orleans.... not sure you would like KS... |
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Anvrill Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710in the interzone now |
Nope, nothin' like the first.  Still yummy enough, and not nearly as dark... And no hint of Smith left at all! You killed the Smith! NO!!! *ahem* [muttered] Smith killer. your tongue's like poison |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
 Baby! You're cute. *kisses* |
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nolon Junior Member
since 2002-09-25
Posts 20Louisiana,Unitedstates |
Dark *sigh* You got to love it. Nice way to put that. I love the way you went about describing. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, nolon. |
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