A love for the faint hearted (Feedback, please!)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dark Poetry #3

A love for the faint hearted (Feedback, please!)

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

0 posted 2002-07-21 01:16 PM

Affection spears down a ladder of liquid
Shyness, a trait only the strong conquer
A lingering feeling dispenses my lonely scowl
A cake engulfed with white snow
Toppings of serene sweetness hover over
Goosebumps become my newest companion
My eyes fly into her blue utopic eyes
Threads of gold are the pinnacle to the blossoming mountain of lust
Skin of silky youth streams through a body of tender fulfillment
Olive skin polishes a physique that could cause a 10-car accident
Veins of rain shower over an embraced love
I yearn for her very touch
I grasp for her but fall agonizingly short
Heartbreak may create a lasting sadness
Soon I shall confront this mysterious beauty
A skeptical grin will hopefully initiate an enticing romance
She becomes the answer to my faintest ring
She walks on the “Welcome” doormat and waltzes through a door of overbearing love
An isolated soul, united with a trigger of love

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

1 posted 2002-07-21 01:23 PM

Feedback? "feed me more!!!" The way in which you so eloquently crafted the lines of this poem was outstanding. Very poetic, very deep from pinnacle to doormat. I thoroughly enjoyed!

alibaster
Member

since 2001-07-07

Posts 299
In my own private hell...(PA).

2 posted 2002-07-21 01:26 PM

Abosulately loved it...
all but this line

"Olive skin polishes a physique that could cause a 10-car accident"
for some unknown reason the car accident just doesn't seem to me to fit the beautiful images you painted in the rest of the poem...
then again is just my opinion and I could be wrong.

Otherwise I give a standing ovation.
Until...ali

"There is an alter ego which dwells within every soul."(C)alibaster

"If it doesn't bite, scratch and make you bleed its not worth it"(C)alibaster

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

3 posted 2002-07-21 02:16 PM

Ali-
Thank you for that comment. You may be right, it may have been to vulgar for this poem. Although I thought it was appropriate to define her beauty.
Tomer

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.