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Dark Poetry #3
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Stryder
Junior Member
since 2002-06-22
Posts 29
Silent Hill

0 posted 2002-06-28 03:48 AM


Hypocrisy

Don’t pretend you have
An emotional attachment to me;
A high-strung affection for me.
Beneath the surface-
Underneath your skin;
I know the hate you feel
That’s buried within.
I’ve done the math,
And now everything
Is so transparent to me.
Why did it take so
Long for me to see?
You fabricated our love,
And only now do I see;
The plastic tears cascade-
clearly down your cheek.
Every emotion you’ve illustrated;
Carefully performed to deceive me.
And now, because of you I cry;
I’ve exposed your hypocrisy.

A couple of things to notice in the poem, is in the main title "cry" is bolded (and I use the word in my poem).The skeleton that the words in my poem make is the core of an apple.

My illustration is that in this relationship someone slowly peeled away at me, and I didn't even notice it until it was to the core. To show what dishonesty can do in a relationship.

-Stryder


[This message has been edited by Stryder (06-28-2002 03:51 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Stryder - All Rights Reserved
deep_thought
Junior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 24

1 posted 2002-06-28 06:44 AM


The apple core makes an interesting parallel. Good stuff.

This is good all the way. Trust me.

"I know now why you cry, but it is something I can never do"

devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
2 posted 2002-06-28 08:55 PM


You've put yourself all into this one...

"The plastic tears cascade-
clearly down your cheek."

don't we all know too well!!

~clever you...

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
3 posted 2002-06-30 03:02 PM


Clever in content, clever in construct.

~wranx

"Writing is a perfectly natural thing to do....just remember to wash your hands afterward"....Heinlein.

Stryder
Junior Member
since 2002-06-22
Posts 29
Silent Hill
4 posted 2002-07-05 05:33 AM


Thank you all for you heart felt comments about my poem.

I really did put some deep thought into the content, and construct of the poem (I'm glad it turned out okay)...

-Stryder

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