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Dark Poetry #3
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Nothing
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Nothing |
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Baroni Member
since 2001-10-14
Posts 94Ontario, Canada |
Nothing. They ask me what I'm doing. Nothing. I don't think they'd understand. That 'nothing' surrounds you, and crushes you with it's opressive weight. Nothing. And they say 'Fine'. It's not fine. I am being devoured by a blackness none can understand. A blackness I cannot fight, for it has no form. No substance. Nothing. Was ever anything so feared as this dark woe? The loneliness, and heartache, the overwhelming sadness of nothing? What else is so horrible? Nothing. . . . . --- Separated, I cut myself clean, From a past that returns in my darkest of dreams. Larry Norman. [This message has been edited by Baroni (edited 11-05-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 John Barron - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Baroni Member
since 2001-10-14
Posts 94Ontario, Canada |
This is my first attempt at free verse. Let me know what you think. |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
"Nothing" is a powerful word & you expressed it here well! I thought this was great!!  LOVE ELMO |
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xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
"nothing"...extremely powerful...i enjoyed this a lot...good job and keep up the good work! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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*¤~§µgårlðve~¤* New Member
since 2001-10-30
Posts 5Puerto Rico |
it is so true what you say...it is not fine, what takes our energies, our lives our soul? NOTHING...i really liked this attempt of yours at free verse |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey there Baroni  I like this for a first attempt! There's a misconception that freeverse is 'easy' because there is apparently 'no' form...there is form of course haha...and you have good tone, nice rhythm...there are a few spelling mistakes and if you fixed those up it might read a bit easier... I wonder if you repeated 'nothing' a few too many times though..I understand the effect you're going for - but repetition can be a difficult thing to negotiate...I suggest reworking it a little with a couple of the 'nothings' cut out... Over all, me likes  KI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
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Baroni Member
since 2001-10-14
Posts 94Ontario, Canada |
Thanks for the critique, severn. I missed the spelling mistakes, that's amazing. it's the one thing I hate most about writing, if it has bad spelling. I think you're right about repeating nothing, but they seemed to fit. Anyways, don't look forward to seeing much more free verse from me. After all, the Angry Bard sings most often in Rhyme  Does the name pavlov ring a bell? |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
I understand the feeling behind the repeated nothings. Very heavy. Excellent poem, I say, though I apprecaite the bards rhymes as well. Sandra |
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The Lonely Stranger Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 361Upstate, NY, USA |
I was thoroughly impressed. I love when a poet can carry a ton of emotion in a minimum of words No one ever listened themselves into trouble. |
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