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Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2001-08-21 02:32 AM

It sinks
this will when it tires
of uncertain muffled voices.
But don't underestimate the smolder
beneath the cheerful sarcasm.
Hate drips in shadows and
falls unseen
for the cover of a tenderness
undiluted.
The swirl of poison in a smile
mixes well with lowered eyes
and you are being consumed while you consume.
Snake swallowing snake with delicious unhinged jaws
as you drop into one another
and lie without motion.
Tame your lips and fire your gaze
but nothing comes from anger
but more anger.
The swirl of poison in a smile
mixes well with lowered eyes
and falling from pedestal angels.

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

1 posted 2001-08-21 05:34 AM

I like,
But,
It sinks
this will when it tires

Doesn’t flow right for me,
perhaps

It sinks,
this will when it tires

Setting it off more
And line breaks between those type lines
Lower

Lots of good images throughout

Gloom

[This message has been edited by Professor Gloom (edited 08-21-2001).]

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

2 posted 2001-08-21 12:28 PM

quote:
nothing comes from anger
but more anger

I'm not sure about that. . . perhaps from anger comes release. . .but. . . that's another thread. . . well done. . . let the emotion flow. . .

--------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2001-08-21 05:35 PM

The swirl of poison in a smile
mixes well with lowered eyes
and falling from pedestal angels

nice lines... enjoyed the read and found the images quite strong...

Immortal Beloved
Junior Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 42
the carpathians

4 posted 2001-10-17 05:02 PM

i realize this is an older post,but i must express my appreciation. i enjoyed it very much!!

ammelid

Fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt~Julius Caesar

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