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Teen Poetry #4
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Wanting Her
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Wanting Her |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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Wanting Her: Dragging me down this heart break past. Filling me up with shattered glass. What was I supposed to do With your faithfulness so untrue? Shifting me; Lonely tree; Worn and torn; Old is born. Crumbling sorrow smiles down. Pumping heart with pitty frown. Wind of fury lost in mind. Wanting her to call me "mine".  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
"lonely tree" that was my favorite part of the poem. so magical and sweet. i dont know how you do it dope. -the real post: good, not yer best. get over it.  < !signature-->San, the wise San, the dumb San, the guy... [This message has been edited by Morouxshi San (edited 01-14-2001).] |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Aww Dope im sorry about how your feeling...This was an incredible poem tho! Full of emotion..you never cease to amaze... |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
wow, not only great imagry but good symbolism too, that rocked man. And don't worry about 'her' there will be others >¶Øʆ< |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
I liked how you compared yourself to an old, torn, and loney tree. It really showed some imagery as Poet said... I really liked this one bro. ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Yeah I agree. I'm really impressed with this one Dopey! Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I really like the words you chose for this one, it seems that if any other words were used it would make it a different poem. Wait a minute.... Ummmmm, anyway, nice job "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
"Wanting her to call me mine" that line says it all beautiful Dopes So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Truly marvelous darling  I am no one if not myself. Angel of Darkness [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 02-15-2001).] |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
this was ur best i read today.. i really enjoyed the rhyme scheme, specially in the middle... thanks for the post Jeremy Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
hey javvie.. well i thought that this was great escpecially the lines: Crumbling sorrow smiles down. Pumping heart with pitty frown. i know how you feel there hun.. great poem all up...you know that i think that of your poems anyways..hahaha...but this was great ..great imagery with "filling me up with shattered glass"...owch! love you javvie.. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this was awesome. great work! regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is another great piece from you! Great work. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Thanks everybody! And thanks Cherish! MUA!  |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This piece is absoloutely awesome, great work and thanx for the read. Andrew " War is peace, |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
I like this one a lot. "Filling me with shattered glass" was one of my favorites of the poem. Keep it up Dopey. It can't be! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Thanks you two.......I hope I continue to write semi-ok poetry.....it would be very bad if i regressed back into my 7th grade style of writing. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
It really was good. |
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princess^sarah Member
since 2001-01-12
Posts 131melbourne |
EXCELLENT!!!!! |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Dopey: I think this was likely one of your best yet. I loved the way the syllables flowed, creating a very natural rhythm and meter. Your rhyming was also quite well done. I hope that the forces that be allow you two to be together. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Awwww frac....thanks. That meant a lot to me. You're the man! |
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