The Saddest Lines - pipTalk Forums

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shortilove_03
Junior Member

since 2001-02-15

Posts 20
Arkansas, United States

0 posted 2001-03-02 12:10 PM

Okay, don't think that this is totally corny, but I wrote this when I was like, hooked up on this guy.

This voice that does stir my soul
This voice to which my heart still holds.

The voice of an angel that, out of the blue,
came to me and slowly stole my heart oh so true.

With a crook of his finger, he could tell me to come.
Right then and there, my arguments would dwindle down to none.

He is not with me now, though I wish he were,
For the pain inside me I cannot stand to bare anymore.

He uttered the cruel words 'Let's be friends'
But trying to do that I would surely meet my end.

I would never trespass on another woman's property.
But trying to be friends and not express my love without hurting him, you've really got me.

And now it's time that I must go,
To end the saddest lines that I ever wrote.

Sucky, isn't it?

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

1 posted 2001-03-02 05:11 PM

These lines don't "suck". You express your feelings very well. I know what it's like to want someone who is "just a friend", and that does suck. Best of luck!

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-03-03 12:41 PM

I liked the ending.......I wouldn't say that it sucks, but I wouldn't classify this as awesome work. I know you can do better than this even though I haven't read much of you.
Anyhow, I thought the last lines were exceptional.......

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-03-03 04:36 PM

beautiful expression of sentiments
hope things get better for you
I do hope this person realizes how much he means to you.

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-03-04 02:38 AM

Aw, it wasn't too bad.
Like Erica said, what does suck is one-way love.
Well I've been there. In fact, I am there.

So if you need someone to split a pail of ice-cream with, feel welcome to visit me sometime.
See you around.
~Allan

Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan

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