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Teen Poetry #4
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#24
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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#24 |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Imprisoned by defenses built over the years Stone walls of depression, reinforced by my fears. Iron bars forged with anger, and tempered with hate. And shackled with insults, I'm kept down by their weight. The guards are attackers from far in the past Each one seeming stronger, all smart, strong and fast. All making me feel like I'll always be last. Making me feel always hidden, always stashed. Kept down and kept out, I'm unable to rise Held down to the ground by all I despise Hit down by more strength, hit down by more size Bringing to me, a painful demise. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Matthew Talken - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LucidityNow Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 118Canada |
Hey, I really enjoyed this one. Great poem. The one line I thought was a little forced and out of place was this one. "Making me feel always hidden, always stashed." But overall great work. and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me... |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Wow, I think it's great. But that line is a little soft in my opinion. The whole poem is fantastic though; dramatic, forward, painful. I used to feel like that 24/7 "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Actually, about that line, that's a very good call, everything else in that poem flowed out like it usually does for me anymore, but that I was having immense troubles finding a line that would fit there. If I do in fact come up with a better line, I will of course repost the poem. Thanks for the replies! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
You are as good in poetry as you are in song writing. I'm glad to see you've decided to start writing poems too. thanks for the read. keep sharing So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very nice job on this one. I found this poem to be generally a well written poem. I think you have talent in poems and lyrics alike.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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