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Teen Poetry #4
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Lies
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Lies |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
Lies amounting to confession This will be his final session Confusing all his lies But the truth can be seen in his eyes He can't even realize his own emotions With the lies founding all his devotions Having faith in the human race Means nothing looking into his face The lies backing his existence Are rising up in resistance I really seem to be slipping up on my work lately, it's turning out worse than I thought it would in the first place, which is bad because I am the coldest cruelest critic of my work there is... Any feedback would be welcom.< !signature--> >¶Øʆ< [This message has been edited by Poet on Acid (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tony Ryan Johnson - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice one here but you're right. Not as good as the poems i've read from you in the past. Don't worry........it was still very good.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
Its really not that bad.......things that make you go "hummmmmm..."  |
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ThyWizard Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 56Chambersburg, PA, USA |
I can't compare to previous quality as i haven't read any of your other work, but all in all i don't think this was bad. It had a rather unique undertone to it and as short as it was had a nice amount of depth to it, i look forward to reading more from you " How can i feel if i can't breathe..." - Godsmack |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
..well i though this was great..you put good use to the words you chose..the only thing i might say is that you should try not to rymthe(spelling) so much.. "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
..well i though this was great..you put good use to the words you chose..the only thing i might say is that you should try not to rymthe(spelling) so much.. "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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litle_krazy_poet Member
since 2001-01-17
Posts 71 |
well i like the poem but if you don't then maby you need some new sorces of inspartion. but i liked the poem ~Matt~ somethings need poems and then there are thoes that are just for fun |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I personally don't thik that you have slipped even a tad bit e.g. "Confusing all his lies But the truth can be seen in his eyes" This two stanzas may have been penned in simple form, but it has so much meaning in it Great post I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Don't be so hard on yourself. This was really good. If you believe you're slipping, it's probably just because of self-critisicm (sp?) Keep up the good work. xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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lauren03 Member
since 2002-01-04
Posts 64oh, usa |
your poem wasn't bad at all i liked it atleast, maybe because i can relate, but it was good |
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